Continuing in our popular series of Migrant Tales, first had accounts of the migrant experience of New Zealand taken from places around the net.

This story was written by a British person on a British emigration forum in June 2011.

He and his wife emigrated to New Zealand five years ago, in vain, to get away from all the issues the UK has, only to find that New Zealand also has them – plus some of its own

Expat Brits view of NZ

My wife and I have lived in New Zealand now for close to five years. We moved from the UK, the midlands (close to Nottingham) to be precise.

We are both professionals, we came for a lifestyle change and a slower pace of life. Also, we wanted to get away from all of the crime, race issues, terrorist activities etc. A mixed bag really.

Here is “our” honest opinion of the country we now live in. Before I start, I will say that we did come twice to check it out, as best we could given that we weren’t living/working here as such.

We find that most of what Heavenlyscent said in his old posting is true, although he did seem to make some sweeping generalisations… nevertheless.

Humour…Most people here have a different sense of humour to what we know (and love), they are very akin to schoolboys when it comes to jokes. No subtleness or clever innuendo (Terry Wogan would die here!) they are rude, love their bad language and strong over the top sexual innuendo. This even runs over to TV and radio. Even though I did the hard years of my training in a “construction” environment, I find that it is almost impossible to put up with the crud that passes for airtime entertainment here. The radio show presenters are all “school kids” with potty mouths… very poor. The use of words like “bastard, crap, balls, bollocks, arse, bloody etc” well that is that norm, even on the TV news!!!! ”The TV content consists of mainly American reruns, even so which I have to say are so much better than anything the Kiwi’s are putting out themselves. One of the most popular soap operas being about a dysfunctional Kiwi family who are antisocial, drug taking incestuous thieves…. And that program has won top awards here…. Whilst often the better programs get pushed out at the really late hours. The TV ads are also “adds for dummies”. They are loud, simple, rude… and they cater for complete morons. This alone goes to show what “works” here, as they keep rerunning them!

Education… well we don’t have children of our own, but from talking to friends who do, it seems that basic education here is pathetically poor. But, that said so is the UK.

No fast food!!! (past thread)… you have to be kidding. In a one hour TV period you will get around thirty ads for burgers/fries and shakes! They literally ram the stuff down your throat here… or at least they try to! Kids live on the stuff, as do many families who can’t be arsed to cook proper food. Speaking of which, food is expensive here too… unless you like cheap burgers and fries!

Health and safety… IS a joke. Why? Well because industry tends to turn a blind eye, and most workers (yes I’m generalising) have a poor attitude towards using/buying/wearing/being told to wear safety gear. I do know this first hand.

Driving… Canterbury has what I consider the worst drivers in the modern world. They nearly all exhibit boy/girl racer attitudes to the extreme. The number of rear end accidents, shunts, dents I have seen defies belief. People here either stick to your bumper no matter how fast you are travelling, or they try and overtake constantly, even when there is nowhere for them to go. Both myself and my wife have been pushed off the road by this stupid behaviour. It’s like they are all competing in a race, I kid you not. Talk about competitive spirit, well it is out of hand here. Insurance is optional, which does help to keep the cost down a little, but means that many of the maniac drivers wont have any!

Attitude… I would like to say laid back, but no, its more like “I don’t give a f**k mate”. That is the “general” attitude for most. In a bar for example, quite often you will get asked “is everything alright with the meal” (standard question) and if you actually say no, and give a reason why, they look at you like your mad, and then you usually just get a “errrr…. Okay I will pass that on”….. who do they pass it on to, and then what???? Nothing!

Music… well yes there is a big American/©rap influence, but then again its everywhere. There are more cultured sounds if you are prepared to search, Jazz clubs/festivals etc. But mainstream radio, forget it… just tune the radio to the safety alert channel (in case of earthquake/Tsunami/Hurricane etc) and superglue the tuning knob!

Drugs… HUGE problem. But, so has the UK/USA etc etc.

Gangs… yes. I think it goes with the schoolboy mentality. Try to look as hard as you can, whilst intimidating people and taking what you want from society whilst giving nothing back… in a nutshell. Dumb..can’t think/act/function as an individual… etc.

Culture/History/Art… Pretty much a zero. History, well NZ is a new country, but that’s no ones fault.
Culture “…the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc”.
well they think drinking a coffee in Starbucks means that they are cultured. Now I am still generalising here, but there is no sense of anything even resembling culture. The Maori have their own identity, which they seem to like showing at any available opportunity. This consists of dancing around in grass skirts and showing hostility by pulling frightening faces…etc. Oh, and their favourite pastime is to ask for grants from the government (tax payers) and constantly lay claim to everything… land, sea, fish…etc….. oh, and then there is the never-ending loop recording of how they have been repressed, are poor downtrodden people with no identity… etc. And did I mention the handouts? In general the Maori have a bad reputation for being dead head dropouts who like freeloading. Ummmmm… wonder how they got that reputation.

One last comment.. MOST of the expats we know here have either moved back, or are planing to do so… just a thought. We are on the verge of doing the same, but due to the earthquake/s we can’t make that decision yet.

New Zealand… beautiful country but………… think VERY carefully before making that leap!