Royal Visit to New Zealand – DG an “Idiot” For Releasing “Detailed Manual for Terrorists” Galloping Colonial Clot #2


Exact details of William and Kate’s tour of NZ were released in NZ

The UK’s Daily Mirror has slammed New Zealand for releasing a details of the intended itinerary for the royal tour of New Zealand by William, Catherine and their son George.

In a move that will put at risk any possible knighthood for John Key,  the Governor General of New Zealand has handed potential terrorists and nutters a “manual” on the family’s movements.

map 2

The royal route in Christchurch


A guide for snipers?

We knew that New Zealand has a fairly cavalier attitude towards safeguarding tourists’ safety but this really is blunder of epic proportions. It isn’t a good look for a country that is acutely aware of its image abroad and it comes at a time when its Prime Minister is leading the charge for a change to the country’s flag to remove the obvious reference to its ‘colonial’ past.

The royals arrive there on Monday, (God help them) and the country’s Governor General has been slammed after tweeting precise information of where the public can see them, including timings and maps of their routes.

Former head of Royal Protection for the Met, Dai Davies described the guide as a “manual” for terrorists, “nutters” and “fixated people” hoping to harm them.

He said: “I’m appalled at the idiocy of any idiot who would publish this far in advance both route and location.

“It is seriously worrying and I’m frankly amazed that anyone is doing it. I’ve never known anything like it in 20 years.”

He added: “I find it almost unbelievable someone would do this. It’s a manual and it goes against anything I believe in. Appalled is the word.”

The Twitter account for Governor General Sir Jerry Mateparae – the Queen’s representative in New Zealand – revealed the information to help fans spot the couple .

Messages included: “Hamilton: Your best opportunity is the route between Hamilton Airport (they arrive at 11.10am) and Pacific Aerospace.”

Another read: “Map of the best paces to wait to see TRHs on their public drive down Beaumont/Jellicoe St.”

And another said: “TRHs arrive at the Military Terminal Wellington Airport at 11.45am. But round the bays is the best spot to see them!

While it is not unusual for engagements to be announced in advance, precise timings are almost always kept a secret until they arrive because of security risks.

@Dai Davies: this IS New Zealand. A place famed not for its joined-up thinking but for the ‘quality of the visitor experience’ – ‘100% pure you.’ No doubt all will be made good at the Kiwi cultural boozy barbecue feast.

William’s kitchen rules, with Prime Minister John Key


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John Key, minister for tourism, talk show doyen, king of the Kiwi barbie, and ahem – Prime Minister of New Zealand – apparently broke royal protocol when he allowed photographs of the private visit to be made public. Just how the Queen feels about this remains to be determined, but one may assume she is not amused. Making Key look like an attention grabbing upstart the Mail wrote in separate articles:… read more

6 thoughts on “Royal Visit to New Zealand – DG an “Idiot” For Releasing “Detailed Manual for Terrorists” Galloping Colonial Clot #2

  1. Keep what’s left of your hair on Dai. There is a low threat of terrorism in New Zealand. I know that because the government belonging to William’s mum says so on her Foreign Offfice travel advice site. I always believe what she says. As for nutters and fixated people why shouldn’t we, the Kiwi public, be kept informed of the visit details? You keep taking your valium mate and rest assured that the Royals will be ‘as safe as a tourist’ as we say here in 100% pureland.

    • ‘Safe as a tourist’ a phrase that is sure to pass into the vernacular for New Zealand. Perhaps it will replace “she’ll be right”?

  2. I think the Royals will be ok. The question is how much money it will cost the NZ taxpayer, money that New Zealand could have used to incarcerate criminals preying on normal people.

    It is a pity that the Retardicon 6 author did not post more, as his post was fabulous and probably one of the best on the site. I am tempted to leave some comments documenting some of my own adventures in New Zealand, which you can post if you think it is relevant. You can maybe call this part Retardicon 6 Part 2, 3 etc.

    One of the best anecdotes was when I approached someone about buying a small business in Fox Glacier. The seller asked me to show him how much money I had in the bank to assure him that I was not wasting his time and that I was indeed able to buy his business!

    I guess they have never heard of personal privacy in Fox Glacier nor understood that a buyer might not want to reveal his net worth when he potentially might want to haggle for a business. Let me know if you want me to write a guide about searching for a small business to buy in New Zealand.

    • Please add whatever you want to, it’s sure to be written well and of great interest to our readers. A guide would be useful too, quite a few migrants are trapped into emigrating with investor visas only to find the goalposts get moved over time and they’re made to leave before their residency is made permanent.

  3. I do not believe that telling the public where the Royals will be poses a risk to them. However, having a detachment of lazy and incompetent Kiwis “guarding” the Royals probably does pose a threat. I imagine they will have a detachment of properly trained people from the UK accompanying them rather than relying on “Kiwi Ingenuity”.

    The Royals are a posh version of the Kardashians who exist to satisfy the insatiable desire of large segments of the masses for gossip and titillation. They serve as a great election year distraction from the real problems affecting New Zealand. New Zealanders are a country of backward cretins that love gossip and gossiping about people they do not really know is slightly more interesting than gossiping about boring people such as themselves.

    BTW E2NZ, are all the posts from Escape From Retardicon 6 available? I read the first part, but I could not locate the remaining post. Please let me know if they are here as I loved the author’s brilliant humour.

    • The royals are understandably nervous after an “assassination attempt” was made in Australia in 1990 After having lost ‘Lord’ Mountbatten and his grandson in a terrorist attack they’re probably wise to be circumspect.

      Like any tourists in New Zealand they should leave their valuables at home, never accept a lift and stay at reputable establishments fitted with window and door locks.

      There was only ever one post from the brilliant author of Retardicon 6, he obviously made good his escape and never looked back. We’ll bump it and see if he wants to add some more.

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