British Press Has Its Say on “Invented” Maori King, Public says “bit of a berk”

Pearly King of NZ

Itinerant weightlifting coach is the equivalent of the Pearly King of NZ

Hat tip to Rose who sent this article to us (photo above, quoted text below). It was first published by the UK Guardian Newspaper in March 2014.

The Maori King has recently been in the NZ news after his reprobate 19 year old son Korotangi Paki was convicted of a number of criminal offences (one committed whilst out on bail) but escaped without punishment because having a record may affect his ability to be ‘king’ one day.

Cheeky chappie Korotangi Paki,  also published a number of obscene comments on his Facebook page, including one of a queue of Asian people at Auckland airport with the caption “all these chingy eyed cunts” and used the “sieg heil” salutation much loved by one of New Zealand’s Maori gangs the Mongrel Mob and Nazi sympathizers everywhere. Which puts Prince Harry’s fancy dress days into perspective somewhat.

This is what the Guardian thinks of his pop refusing to see William and Kate earlier this year. Of course, the British royal household probably knew about his son’s ongoing court cases and criminal record. The true story here may’ve been that the royals decided to not meet with him because of the embarrassment it would cause the British Monarchy. New Zealand spun the story to make out king Tuheitia was the one who did the spurning.

Name: King Tuheitia.

Age: 58.

Appearance: Itinerant weightlifting coach.

Is that his real job? No.

What is? Being New Zealand‘s Maori king.

Sounds important. Kind of. He has no executive power and, in purely numerical terms, being Maori king is a bit like being lord mayor of Nottingham, only your subjects have fewer tattoos.

I see. He did have a very important visit coming up next month, though. Prince William and his wife were coming to see him in New Zealand with their new son, Prince George.

A visit from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge would be an honour even for the mayor of Birmingham! But why “did have” and “were”? Because he turned them down.

He what? He turned them down. Apparently he wasn’t happy with the 90-minute slot that had been allocated to him.

Oh well, that makes sense. New parents are the dullest people ever. I don’t think I could stomach an hour and a half of: “The reflux seems to be settling down now …” Actually, King Tuheitia wanted more time, not less.

Wow! He must really like babies. Either that or he thinks a longer visit would better befit a person of his stature.

I thought meeting the British royal family was the whole point of being a tribal king? And, vice versa, the whole point of the British royal family? It is, but King Tuheitia has shown himself to be a proud man ever since he was elected in 2006 after the death of his mother. He is “not some carnival act to be rolled out at the beck and call of anyone,” according to his office.

Sorry, “elected”? Yes, the Maori royal family is a sort of modern monarchy that elects its leaders, but people prefer it if they come from the established ruling clan. A bit like India or the United States.

I see. The Maori invented their monarch in 1858 as a way to unite the tribes and give themselves a better chance of resisting the British invaders.

“Resisting the British invaders”, you say? That’s right. You can’t beat royal traditions.

Do say: “Sorry. I’ve got chicken pox. I’m thinking of the baby.”

Don’t say: “Let’s Skype soon, though.”

Best of all, read the comments (there are plenty of them) left on the Gruniard’s page, here’s the link


It’s about time we stopped pussy-footing around this sort of nonsense.

Being a “tribal king” is about as important on the cosmic scale of things as being a pearly king and having your photograph taken with tourists on the underground. There were lots of tribes in what is now the UK, most of them had hereditary leaders and, if you so chose, you could probably track down their descendent. They could sell merchandise: “I met the King of East Anglia and all I got with this tee-shirt”.

So accordingly a “tribal king” a private meeting with touring futures heads of state is quite a thing, wildly out of proportion to their importance. This is not some random private visit by a minor royal, this is the second and third in line to the throne who, although not heirs apparent, cannot normally be displaced from those positions in the order of succession. William will be King upon the death of his father, absent abdication or other exceptional events, and George will be king after him. It would take the repeal of the Act of Settlement to alter that.

So “King” Tuheitia (in the same sense as “Duke” Ellington and “Count” Basie, presumably) is perfectly entitled to pass up the opportunity, and is perfectly entitled to go to the media and spin the story to make out that he’s hard as nails. But the end result is that he looks a bit silly: no real head of state would play these sorts of juvenile games, and therefore he marks himself down as just a bit of a berk.



sadly, this article reveals more about residual cultural imperialist tendencies power is right and status of the writer/compiler than attempting a balanced comparison which interacts with the role of monarchy and cultural identity between what should surely be two equals.

Despite being a card carrying republican – at least the low level titular role the Maori blokes wields has some cultural identity heritage value within wider modern NZ unlike our unelected impositions.






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