‘Let’s Invade New Zealand’ – updated

Thinking of emigrating to New Zealand to join the defence force?

In case you missed it the first time round – New Zealand, 100% there for the taking, from the satirical advertising show The Gruen Transfer.


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In the event of a nuclear apocalypse, how would New Zealand fare? –

“I mean, we aren’t really in the way are we, if all of the superpowers take their pissing matches too far? Would a nuclear winter really affect us? Would we become the last sanctuary of humanity?”


I met a chap who informed me that Auckland is in the drop zone for two bomb attacks, given our tactical location at the arse end of the Pacific. Whenuapai Long runway. Devonport deep sheltered port… apparently, acording to old x Viet flyer (?) the only location ‘tween Hawaii and Singapore, out of reach of Soviet and China Airforce, that could reapir a US carrier fleet.

I don’t know if any of this is true, but the old chap told a good yarn

Defence force cuts leads to drop in morale and increase in attrition

“The auditor-general has issued a highly critical report on the New Zealand Defence Force (NZDF) cuts, saying they will fail to meet savings targets and have led to a drop in morale and capability.

The Government told the Defence Force in 2010 to reduce costs so money could be redistributed within the military. The civilianisation project was one of several the defence force initiated in response.

But Auditor-General Lyn Provost said today it had achieved only “limited success”.

“It will not achieve the NZDF’s target of converting 1400 military positions and saving $20.5 milion a year by 2014/15.

“Instead, 600 military positions will be converted and we estimate savings of $14.2m a year by 2014/15. In addition a drop in morale and increase in staff attrition has led to reduced NZDF capability.”

Her report was critical on numerous fronts – including the fact it told the Government it would convert 1400 military positions into civilian jobs without knowing how many military positions it would need from 2015…” source

8 thoughts on “‘Let’s Invade New Zealand’ – updated

  1. ” I’ll leave that to the relevant authorities and their lawyers.”… and Kiwi customers of Australian businesses. Some trans Tasman politicking is certainly required.

  2. New Zealand can’t even deal with an Australian supermarket chain wanting to stock its own brand labels with Made-in-Australia produce. Now there are irate Kiwis demanding we boycott all Australian supermarkets in New Zealand. The stupidity of the average Kiwi never ceases to amaze, they will cut off their nose to spite their face. God help them come an apocalypse, I only hope I’m not still here if it happens.

    • Yes, I doubt that Kiwi tantrums, sulking and expressions of xenophobia will make any difference to Australian supermarket chains, they’ve made a marketing decision, the CER probably doesn’t apply.

      There seems to be a sense of entitlement by some Kiwis in regard to Australia, it’s really irritating from an Australian perspective, the relationship would probably improve if Kiwis came to terms with the fact that Oz is a foreign country, like any other.

      • It would be interesting to hear about this from an Australian perspective. NZ’s viewpoint seems to be from the end of a pitchfork.

        • Well this Australian (in Australia) finds whining, Oz bashing Kiwis a real pain, if both countries abandoned the hare-brained trans Tasman migration scheme then Kiwis might get a perspective on reality and not take Oz for granted.

          • But isn’t the scheme mutually beneficial?

            Edit. We’re seeing some interesting material about this issue on the net, not least comments left on Countdown in New Zealand‘s Facebook page, surely this must be damaging to the people who work there and the companies in New Zealand that supply goods and products Countdown? More to come…

          • “But isn’t the scheme mutually beneficial?”

            I’m rather sceptical in regard to the benefits of the neo-liberal ideology of the free flow of labor between markets, it suits manufacturers very well of course, however there are other considerations. I’m one of those Australians who think that our population is growing too rapidly, with negative consequences on the environment and strain on infrastructure, Australia isn’t the US or Brazil. One test is per capita GDP and there’s little evidence that adding a few 100,000 people per year really makes any difference, there are many countries with small populations with high per capita GDPs, they trade internationally–it’s easy for lazy politicians to claim that the economy ‘grew’.

            So allowing any number of Kiwis to immigrate, regardless whether or not they can find a job, when we have a selective immigration policy towards prospective immigrants from the rest of the world seems counter-productive to me.

            That is an entirely different issue from the purchasing and marketing policies of Australian supermarkets. I have no objections to the CER, however, I’m not sure if such practices are subject to its provisions, I’ll leave that to the relevant authorities and their lawyers.

  3. There’s an upside to being at the end of anywhere, NZ, unlike Australia, is not on the edge of Asia, where the strategic situation is becoming ‘interesting’, the country probably only needs a coast guard.
    I get the impression that Kiwis assume Australia would support NZ in the admittedly remote chance it came under attack, perhaps, perhaps not.

    Incidentally, given its latitude NZ would probably be devastated by a nuclear winter.

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