Migrant Tale – American Migrant Says Nice Scenery, Shame about the Rest

top of the lake

Migrant blows whistle on NZ’s ‘top of the lake’ lifestyle

Welcome to the latest in our series of Migrant Tales – first hand accounts of the migrant experience of New Zealand.

Today’s migrant tale was sent in by an American reader who has lived in New Zealand for four months – more than long enough to have formed the same opinion of the country as many other migrants: New Zealand’s only redeeming feature is the scenery and even that is tainted by pollution. He’d rather risk the gun violence of his own country than New Zealand’s dysfunctional, “hillbilly” society.

I’ve only been here for four months and I’m already having some very serious second thoughts about having accepted a full-ride scholarship to be here from California. The first thing I noticed was how bad the drivers are. Pedestrians, beware! Seriously, what is wrong with these people!?

The other thing is that prices for everything is ridiculous. They even charge for condiments, lol. I have never experienced such a miserly culture in my entire life and I have traveled all over the world. As for etiquette, there is none – these people are down right rude and have no culture or sophistication whatsoever. The people seem green with envy when they find out that you are American and though they feign a desire for diversity, the people I have met are racists, bigots and xenophobes – and I’m white! It’s all for show – feel good sound bytes.

Ever aspect of life here is half-baked. Mediocrity is accepted as quality. A premium price is charged for substandard work and products.

Kiwis are proud of their All Blacks, and quick to judge the U.S. on its gun violence and crime. However, they run around listening to our music, watching our films and television programs, and basically try to be American. To be sure, they are not and will never be like Americans. It’s a totally different culture in New Zealand where quality is a foreign concept, achievement is scorned; particularly, academic achievement, price gouging is the norm, buyer beware (especially automobiles) is the legal framework, and slum lords are allowed to rent out dangerous and unhealthy houses that would be condemned in California.

The only redeeming quality here is the beauty of the environment but they are destroying that too by polluting their rivers. Litter is everywhere in Christchurch and they couldn’t be bothered to get off their lazy backsides and pull the litter from the rivers and creeks. These people are just about the laziest slobs I have ever seen! I cannot wait to be finished here and get back to civilization. I’ll risk the gun violence over this dysfunctional society any day.

Trying to find a job here is darn near impossible. I’ve applied for dozens of jobs and received one rejection letter after another. I really do feel that there is an underlying dislike for Americans here and I believe it is due to envy and the tallest poppy syndrome others have alluded to. Kiwis, for the most part, seem petty, immature, and lack any appreciation for innovation, quality, or progress so it seems. They are happy living in squalor and in using duct tape as a method to repair just about everything. It’s not resourceful, it’s just plain laziness and an acceptance of mediocrity. I don’t think anything will change this hillbilly type culture.

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40 thoughts on “Migrant Tale – American Migrant Says Nice Scenery, Shame about the Rest

  1. I totally agree, i have lived in NZ for 5 years and thank the stars i am returning to UK next year! New Zealand has pretty scenery, but other than that there’s nothinging else worth coming to see in New Zealand. The worst factor about NZ is the people, what a bunch of arrogant, xenophobic passive aggressives! On the surface, they seem open and friendly to newcomers, but if you live in NZ for any length of time, you will soon realise that New Zealanders are mediocre, backward, very insecure about their national identity & outside of the few large cities they live a redneck or hillbily lifestyle. They have a particular fondness for abusing or torturing wildlife & love hunting animals. It really is a very, very sick and depraved society and culture. I encourage all Americans and Brits to not emigrate to NZ as it’s only worth a holiday nothing more!

    • I believe possum hunting is still a thing here, as they get money for their fur. My younger brother- when he lived in Golden Bay years ago, enjoyed doing it with his spastic Kiwi mates and I told him he was sick.

      He got so bored of NZ he ended up hanging out with a bunch of loser jobless stoners and from then on he was stoned out of his face whenever I saw him and just became a total mong. Not to mention he adapted the horrible accent. He lives in Australia now with our sister.

      Where bouts in the UK are you going to? I hail from Cambridge. A proper toff I am haha. (I’m not really lol.)

      • Hi Nebula. Would you consider moving to Australia at all? Due to the relative close proximity? Personally I find Kiwis and and Aussies fairly similar culturally…although there may be less of the small man syndrome vibe there..

        • Definitely, wanted to many times but never did as I wouldn’t be able to bring my son. Plus my family don’t contact me or keep in touch when I’ve made the effort. Been 4-5 years now.

          • Whereabouts are your family in Australia? Theres certainly more opportunities for jobs there and when I visited the cities there felt more prosperous with a lively feel especially Melbourne. Brisbane is also a nice place to live with great weather. It’s worth giving a shot, still close enough to come visit your son a few times a year. May be a good compromise.

          • Definitely considered/considering it J. My brother and sister live in Melbourne and my parents live in Adelaide. I never hear from them tho and have a non-existent relationship. All that family bollocks type stuff.

            My brother and sister, both 7 years younger than me, (I’m 31) a part of ‘generation apphole’ and never have time to reply to my messages on Facebook, (can’t believe I ever bothered with that plague of a website) but have plenty of time to post pictures of themselves getting ‘wasted at da clubz brooo’ and replying to dozens of comments from their mates. So I gave up bothering with them. Maybe when they grow up one day we can talk. It’s because my ex military stepdad who has never liked me, 9and we’ve also never gotten along,) has brainwashed them against me.My mother…don’t get me started lol.

            So yeh..that would have been a nice dream to go over there, but if it were to be, it be on my own and i cant be arsed right now.

    • I was born in NZ and moved away for good at age 8 to the US. I couldn’t have been happier with that move. Most of what you say is spot on. I actually lived in London for a year when I was 10. Considering that both NZ and the UK are Commonwealth countries, I expected lots of cultural similarities. Thankfully, there were not many similarities, and I didn’t get bullied or get racist comments thrown at me in the UK, unlike in NZ where it happened in school regularly.

      As for holidaying in NZ, Americans and Brits have lots of great places to visit in their own countries that equal or surpass what NZ has to offer, as well as in nearby countries. All of which can be a done at a fraction of the cost and travel time a trip to NZ involves.

      • “Americans and Brits have lots of great places to visit in their own countries that equal or surpass what NZ has to offer”
        I find this funny, everyone boasts about NZ scenery blah, blah, blah [most of the country is a big paddock].
        There are “world class” sights and scenery all over the world, not just in NZ, yet they think that since it made it into LOTR [by kiwi Peter Jackson] it must be the best [bist]. When you add all of the other “issues” that accompany NZ, absolutely, NOT WORTH IT.

        • Carpentaro, I agree, I would not recommend New Zealand as a travel destination to anyone. The cost and distance is not worth it, as you can find more and better in many other places in the world. The accommodation, like the housing, is way substandard for the exhorbitant cost. Anyway, if you want to see the Southern Hemisphere, go to Chile and Argentina. Southern Patagonia is vastly more breathtaking, has more open space, more wildlife – native guanaco, rhea, mara – all of which you can see on a hike or drive where you’ll likely be alone with nature. It’s much further south, the Andes mountains are higher, wilder, and the surrounds are not filled with shabby towns full of bogans. Actually there aren’t many towns, because it’s far emptier than any part of NZ. The food is much better of course, and you get the warm Latin American hospitality of the locals. Kiwis are not known for being a particularly warm people, regardless of their absurd empty boasts about friendliness. One of the best pieces of advice you will ever get about visiting or living in New Zealand is to LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Personally, having spent several weeks in the far south of Patagonia, I found NZ very dull in comparison, with less spectacular scenery.

  2. Excellent post, I must say. People who are generally aware, observant, and thoughtful, as this poster clearly is, don’t do well in New Zealand. Kiwis are brainwashed to believe nonsense about their country and culture since birth, and they believe what they’re told without question. The ones that realize it’s all a sham tend to leave.

    Having recently endured a family event with in-laws from Christchurch especially reminds me how rabidly racist Kiwis can be. Yes, as the observant among us realize, Kiwis do hate on everyone, but they have a particular distaste for anyone with “dark” skin or Asians. Seems to be worse in Christchurch, although I did have to listen to an Auckland born Kiwi tell a friend of mine from North America how Kiwis aren’t racist like those Australians. Kiwis are deeply delusional. I have in-laws that tell me about the US and how racist Americans are (of course, this person has NEVER even visited the place, yet thinks they know all about it from watching tv) on the one hand, and on the other says shockingly racist things, and has actively insulted and disparaged my family in a blatantly racist way. This person was raised in a home where people still use words like “the blacks” “abos” and “red indians.” As a person with European and non-European roots, I can say without question I have faced more racist words and attitudes in the decade I’ve been in NZ than I can remember from living in the States for several decades.

    As far as the housing, it’s not just slumlords that perpetuate substandard housing. Millionaires in NZ live in places that are damp, poorly insulated and heated. The recent TV program from NZ – The Block Villa Wars is a good case in point. These 4 relocated turn of the century villas were touted as completely renovated and modernized. Although the houses were small, with only 3 beds and 1 bath, and all but one had any back yard to speak of, they all sold for well over a million dollars. Only one house had double glazing retro fitted to the timber frames, the rest retained the original single-paned windows. None of the houses had heating apart from a wood burner in the lounge. Within a year these insufficiently insulated and poorly heated homes will be damp from condensation, have mold, and will develop that “outdoor shed” pong that is a signature of the Kiwi home. When sophisticated Kiwis put their houses up for sale, they “fully modernize” their houses, which to them, means a new paint job. It hides the smell, although I don’t believe that’s why they paint. They seem not to notice the squalor they live in.

    Good points about the environment. The other great tragedy that Kiwis don’t acknowledge is the vast amounts of deforestation, which has been ongoing for hundreds of years. First the Maori people deforested large tracts of the country, mostly by burning off the forests, then the Europeans came and finished off most of the rest. There is a distressing trend in the media to bemoan the fact that NZ is not as clean and green as it used to be, as if New Zealand had a pristine environment, but now there are a few problems surfacing. This is errant nonsense. New Zealand was NEVER a good custodian of it’s environment. Some guys in suits in a boardroom thought up a slogan for advertizing, and now the gullible Kiwi people believe it as if it’s based on reality or real data. New Zealand has been profiting enormously by perpetuating what can in no uncertain terms be called a lie. Now that it’s becoming harder, because of the internet, to hide behind slogans, the government and the NZ media (who are complicit in perpetuating nonsense and promoting the “we don’t know how lucky we are” mentality) the goal posts have changed to, “We’re not going to be as clean and green as we used to be if we don’t fix problems.” In typical Kiwi fashion, the conclusion to any negative report about New Zealand is “it’s still better here than elsewhere.” To be fair, if the powers that be didn’t brainwash their people into thinking that New Zealand is a better place and so special, almost no one would stay. As it is, New Zealand has one of the highest rates of emigration in the world:

    “The highest emigration rates to OECD countries are recorded for small countries and island states. Tonga (41%), Guyana (39%), Jamaica (32%), Albania (29%), Barbados (29%), Trinidad and Tobago (23%), Belize (21%), Fiji (20%), El Salvador (19%), and Malta (18%) are the ten countries with the highest emigration rates to OECD countries. The proportion of emigrants aged 15 and above residing in other OECD countries exceeded 10% for Ireland, Mexico, New Zealand, and Portugal.”
    Source: http://www.oecd.org/els/mig/World-Migration-in-Figures.pdf

    The New Zealand government has been allowed to perpetuate what are essentially lies about the country for so long, because there is very little transparency, little in way of research, and the research that is done that addresses problems are rarely mentioned in the media, or if they are discussed, are quickly forgotten with little public discussion or outcry. Anyone who has tried to find data on the environment, or on the myriad social problems will know this to be true. Kiwis are deeply apathetic, and have been brainwashed to believe they live in a pristine paradise. Sadly, many seem to realize deep down the place is crap, hence their inferiority complex and defensiveness, and outright jealousy of the rest of the world.

    • New Zealand is the wheel of misfortune. Are you still in Christchurch? Another hot day today with absolutely nothing to do but the usual menial ‘activities’ like swimming at my local pool which has been shut down several time recently because someone had an ‘accident’ or going to the shopping ‘mall’ where I have absolutely no interest in buying anything because its all garbage.

  3. Completely agree with the Christchurch dump comment, and it’s not just the environment, it’s the people. Tried it myself in 2014. Yikes, lasted less than 3 months. Don’t forget, no ‘cruising’ between 10pm and 5am kids!! Windy, backwater town surrounded by polluted rivers and small minded boozy folk, with oversized egos. What could possibly go wrong?

    • I know it all too well, I was a bouncer/doorman here in Christchurch for 4/5 years and have witnessed my fair share of the ‘night life’ flotsam that I had to deal with. More undesirables than I care to remember.

      The social ineptness and the many witless dunces, gang affiliated morons, she-beasts and just the utterly backward individuals I had to contend with without fail even from Mon-Fri drive me up the wall.

  4. Hi Nebula. Regarding your feelings, I would suggest to leave. I can really relate to the situation, I also lived abroad (not NZ) and disliked the place with a similar passion. Is there an underlying reason you cannot move on?

    • Hi Grayson. I’ve been here for 8 years due to having a son with a Kiwi partner who is now 7. He’s old enough now to understand that I’m going back in Feb 2016 for a well deserved break. Not sure how long I’ll be gone for but it will mostly likely be no longer than a year while I try my luck at making films with a few eager and deadly reliable English friends. I’d love to take him with me but his mother is dead set against it and is convinced I’d do a runner and never return with him. (I thought about it years ago admittedly when I was mid-miserable, but wouldn’t do that to her now.)

  5. Great post. I wish I could have condensed my migrant tale’s post into something as to the point as this.

    Great point about charging for condiments, I had forgotten about that. Its about 50c for a little thingy of sauce for your fries from McDonalds etc. I even went to Kiwi Bank yesterday and was told it’ll cost me $4 to have a bank statement printed out with my address on it! Wankers.

    It;s not just Americans Kiwis are openly racist to, its Asians, us ‘pommies’ and practically anyone else who isn’t from this energy and sanity sucking vortex of a financial catastrophe.

      • Hi Admin, ok heres my evaluation, critique and experiences living in Christchurch:

        Christchurch 2015-a post earthquake misery hole inhabited by the walking dead, mutated monstrosities, mutton dressed as lamb scornful yuppie middle class suburban SUV driving dickheads, etiquette-less, ill mannered ignoramuses, each occupying their designated sectors of bullshit Christchurch existence. A city which gave up on itself, and subsequently became a sanity sucking vortex of financial catastrophe, whoring itself out for a quick buck and capitalising on any conceivable ill gotten gains wherever/whenever possible. Immigration NZ-the upper echelons of a mind forged hierarchical system of charlatans, who strive to coax misinformed and hopeful overseas visitors/workers to a country and city that is a complete farce and a collapsing, decaying facade, to their slow, agonising, monetary deaths.

        A city of deprivation and degradation, built on fraud and bullshit, comparable in view to a large rotting chunk of swiss cheese, or an overbearing stale turd, pointlessly rolled in glitter, at the cost of feckless tax payers.

        Experience and unduly suffer the ‘kiwi way is best and greatest’ morality code, and any person who dares to have a negative opinion — a dislike — will be shut out of the community, and existence. Anyone who resists such groupthink is ruthlessly shamed. Absurd doses of invective are hurled at the supposed troll/naysayer/opposer to the point that the original “offence” becomes negligible by comparison.

        This god awful ‘reputation management’ is about gaming the system. It’s a form of deception, an attempt to erase subjectivity and evaluation through intuition, for a price.

        Censorship is rampant here and free will is condemned. Welcome to George Orwells 1984.

        A bit exaggerated or over the top you might say? 8 years of pissing against the wind in this shithole proves that not one moron here wants to change for the better, to prestige, to look outward…only inward.

        A merry-go-round of hell.

        A city of lazy, complacent drones, humming along into a black oblivion of perpetual nothing-ness.

        I have never been so poor, so miserable, so repressed and bored shitless as I have in Christchurch and NZ. It is no better than Wellington, Auckland or anywhere else as i have been there too for a few months on end at a time.

        I view most Kiwis as malevolent mannequins.

        Jobs, if you can actually get one, pay peanuts and do not recognise your overseas qualifications. They are treated with pure disdain. You will never move up rank thanks to tall poppy syndrome and backstabbing insignificunts.

        I took most of this year off work due to stress and acute depression from the shit I’ve been through here. (I stayed for my son.) There is nothing to do, no one is your friend, no one wants to help you, to be nice, unless they can exploit you. The vile high cost of everything makes it near impossible to save or to even pay your bills and have a life. Just once, it would be nice to have an intellectual conversation with someone here, just once. Someone who didn’t give a shit what others thought and just spoke their mind. You wont get that here.

        I will not be self mutilating myself anymore by getting a job again in Christchurch and work with the dead beats. I have to leave my rotting mouldy property by feb 2016 due to the slumlord letting me move in to milk me for a year, to then kick me out and use that money to put towards fixing a dangerous property they should never legally of been able to rent out. You can bet your ass they will try and steal my bond as well.

        So in conclusion-this shithole city and country has reduced me from an outgoing happy person to a hateful, morose, short fused, miserable curmudgeon in despair.

        Feb 2016-Escape from Christchurch City starring Kurt Russell as Nebula Blisskin.

        • Nebula, ive been reading your comments since then and all you’ve said is definetly bang on. These people are backstabbing, paranoid driven retards and xenophobic fuckos who will betray you over and over. I’ve always been a victim of that stupid tall poppying because i never conform to their ways of life. These city is killing me inside and out. When i went here i am bright eyed bushy tailed man but now i am just an empty canister and every bit of my sanity is sucked out at me by this hell hole they call paradise.

        • Nebula, ive been reading your comments since then and all you’ve said is definetly bang on. These people are backstabbing, paranoid driven retards and xenophobic fuckos who will betray you over and over. I’ve always been a victim of that stupid tall poppying because i never conform to their ways of life. These city is killing me inside and out. When i went here i am bright eyed bushy tailed man but now i am just an empty canister and every bit of my sanity is sucked out of me by this hell hole they call paradise.

          • Hey tall poppy, what city are you living in? Are you in shithole Christchurch? I dropped my son off earlier at his mothers, and these wankers are still randomly blocking off roads, creating pointless stupid diversions. Everything is a rush, people cutting each other up. Indicating to go right but then go straight ahead, on and on and on.

            I despise these people with a passion, I really do.

    • I completely agree that foreigners are targeted here, but I respectfully disagree that you actually have to be from overseas in order to get into the sights of the New Zealand people. The Kiwis will openly attack ANYONE that doesn’t subscribe to their fraud driven, apathy impinged, mediocrity celebrating, drug induced, rugby worshiping, ostrich mentality supporting, intellectual hating, thug filled country, even if that person is one of their own.

      Like any abuser, the Kiwis always seem to be looking for their next victim, and they don’t really care who it is; anyone that stands out, for any reason, immediately becomes a target. The Kiwis have ZERO loyalty, even to their own people. They will turn on a dime without hesitation, and rip ANYONE to pieces, even if the person being attacked was previously highly respected, or if that person is actually doing something that would HELP the country. Step away from the Kiwi “culture” and you will be immediately preyed upon. It’s predator based lynch mob mentality at its very worst.

  6. 100% spot on. And after only 4 months. That is a steep learning curve. Although, I imagine Christchurch is pretty rough these days.

    • Christchurch is a dump. I barely/rarely venture out these days unless I absolutely have to. I can not stand driving on the roads, the shit driving makes my blood boil, as with everything else here.

    • Christchurch is a dump! I have lived here for 40+ years and it has always been a dirty old town, with emphasis on old. After the quakes though, so much damage was done that there is no money to repair it. A few vain attempts to kick it back into life have failed and there is widespread destruction and road repairs, diversions and hopelessness. The dust is a real problem because there is no road surface on many roads. There is no night life, barring the pub and you are risking robbery or bashing going there at any time, more so at night.
      Like most other places in New Zealand, there is plenty of poverty in Christchurch. Just today, a local primary school reported in the citys main newspaper that it was running classes in corridors. That’s because the cheapskate government wanted to save money by putting two schools together on the same site without putting more buildings there. Shame! Many kids here go to school with no lunch or breakfast. Many have no shoes or coats and these have to provided by charities.
      Just try and find a job in Christchurch, or anywhere in New Zealand for that matter. It’s who you know, end of story! I once worked as an engineer for a company where my boss was a typewriter mechanic and the foreman was his professional son! We were all supposed to be engineers! Get the point?
      People in Christchurch spend a lot of time at home. Getting around is slow, annoying and dirty – dusty! There’s nothing to do anyway. Every time there’s a major concert or event, it’s heavily subscribed because we are all starved for actual entertainment!
      I feel sorry for anyone who comes here from another part of the world to this nothingness and despair. I am Kiwi through and through but it bothers me, the massive amount of lies told to get people here. Many of you will be aware of the S.A.F.E ad campaign last week to expose the massive cruelty here in New Zealand, of day old bobby calves. It was shocking and should have led to a major change in animal welfare – the Kiwi response was to start a petition to cause the organisation who exposed this cruelty to lose it’s charity status in an attempt to shut it down. This is pure New Zealand hypocrisy! I am ashamed to be Kiwi sometimes, even though I love my country.
      Sorry about the rant but it’s tough here. My advice, as a Kiwi, is to go to a more developed country where there is actual opportunity, equality and some actual honesty!

      • I don’t know anyone in Christchurch, so nepotism is off the cards for me.

        Even after 8 years in this shithole, i have never managed to make one decent honest friend. The ‘friends’ I had anything to do with discarded me years ago at the drop of the hat. Even if things were fine, suddenly, I would never hear a word from them again, despite me txting them a few times. So I completely gave up on everyone here realising they were all a bunch of stinking detritus. Just a bunch of ‘bludging’, using leeches, who really, at the end of the day, were boring as fuck to be around and lacked any character and morals, basic etiquette and manners, and forget about insight.

        Theres is absolutely fuck all to do here, and even when some rip off event is on, its usually crammed to the teeth with desperado’s who are afraid of missing out on being part of the crowd or getting something for nothing or cheap.

        Take my sons school jumble sale for example, it was like flies to shit. Little kids selling junk and toys bless them and adults fighting and pushing past each other to snag that $1 deal on some minging toy or teddy bear. How can anyone enjoy anything like that when the Kiwis act like such pond life scum? They treat events like that as if they were Black Friday deals.

        There are several bogan rapper/gangsta cap wearing wannabe young knob head fathers at my sons school, who seemingly effortlessly are able to date relatively good looking women (in looks, personality wise they are vile) and walk around in the most laughable swagger walks, that they make chavs in the UK look civilised. Even blokes in their 40s with a chip on their shoulder, with something illusiary to output a macho image. It really is pathetic, and i cant help but laugh as i walk past or shake my head ridiculing them internally.

        My son has also been bullied at school and the teachers do sod all about it, so i have instructed him to smack the bullies as hard as he can in their face, and i bet they wont bother him again. Its the only way these little twats learn. The schools do zip about trouble making, violent bullying school kids so its time to fight fire with fire. I’ve told my son if his spineless teacher has a problem with my son defending himself I’m more than happy to come down and discuss their non existent policy on bullying.

        Christchurch-knob head city. One of many in NZ. Come join the never ending fun!

      • Working here has been a miserable experience.

        Countless times I’ve felt like I was in a horror movie that wasn’t being filmed, the twilight zone, disconnected from myself because of the alienating surroundings and stone cold lifeless work colleagues. Most times i also felt like i was stuck in an insidious time warp that gave me PTSD.

        • Lol you are losing the plot,not your fault though,yesterday one of those 40 year old thugs pushed in front of me to use the atm that I was about to insert my card in ,I called him a fat worthless f…k then I realised I’d said it out loud haha,hope you can make it to 2016 without getting into strife.
          I’m selling my house ,furniture ,vehicle etc Then I’m gone out of here for good,I’ll never look back,my horrible Kiwi family here can burn in the hell they foster.

          • Haha you mean I have lost the plot. The conclusion is to ignore trying to make sense of anything here because it’s futile. Its a giant village of dipshits stuck in the dark ages.

            At least you have a house to sell, I’m going back to the UK skint as a mofo with just my camera gear, and a middle finger out the window as the plane takes off.

          • I’ve read a lot of your posts and honestly, if there’s anything I can do to help that’s within my ability, I will do it. I live in Auckland though.

            From what I’ve read from you, yeah, going back to UK might be the best option. And I don’t mean that in a ‘dont like NZ? Leave’ way. I would never even think that towards anyone, I just mean because stuff has been so bad for you here that it looks like the only viable option.

          • Thanks Shan! I really am caught between a rock and a hard place because leaving my son is the worse feeling in the world. (His mother refuses to let me take him with me.) Its not just being away from him that will bother me, I actually fear for his welfare. His mother isn’t completely useless but she might as well be, but he’s a very active kid and his mother is the complete opposite. He’s left her property a few times out of boredom because she sits in her dads house all day like a grandma and doesn’t do anything with him and she hadn’t a clue where he buggered off to, and calls me up asking for my help!!!! I drove around in a gut wrenching panic and luckily found him at the local park with other kids and he got an absolute bollocking.

            This happened 3-4 times. This is why he lives with me permanently now, or has done for all of last year and up until now, because his mother is useless at keeping an eye on him and wouldn’t be able to chase him anyway because she’s so obese. She has 3 nights a week off and for a long time couldn’t be bothered having him at all so i gave up taking him round there… until months later she decides she’ll make an effort and have him on her days off so i can, you know, have a bloody break.

            If and when I leave he will be living with a bone idle mother at his grandfathers, as she doesn’t have her own place yet even after a year of living at her dads to save, and he will have a shit life. His 16 year old brother from her previous partner has to share a room with his mother so he doesn’t even have a room of his own to sleep in and ends up sleeping in bed with her which i don’t agree with at 7 years old. She’s too bone idle to make him up a camp bed which she has in the living room because its too much effort to teach him to be a little independent.

            Anything I suggest to better his welfare in her care and her living conditions, or any great ideas and encouragement i give her, she throws it back in my face and isnt interested and rudely tries to belittle me infront of her father by raising her voice. In my English way, I reply with a barrage of profanities and witty insults and leave. Its the Kiwi way or the highway. The kiwi way being ‘I can’t be fucked do do this right now, I’ll give it go in 5 years time, because she’ll be right mate’..until of course its not..then what?

            I really have got myself up shit creek with out a paddle. Or if I am given a paddle its broken in half, rotten, full of termites and relatively useless.

            Someone save me from this perpetual hell lol.

          • Have you tried speaking to her father and getting him on your side? maybe he can talk her into letting you take your son to somewhere else in New Zealand. Once you’ve made the break from her you can start to chip away at changing her mind about taking him out of the country.

          • I have heard of other people leaving Christchurch and their kids behind. Christchurch is a Jeykell and Hyde sort of a City. People reading your posts may not recognise your version of Christchurch but I do. I can think of several people I know who I would describe as pillars of the community who have been (in separate incidents) walking down a street in the dark and cars have pulled up and young men have got out and tried to kill them. Not robbery, just random violence. A mate of mine from the UK came out to visit me in Christchurch and he has travelled extensively though the US, Africa and Asia and he thought Christchurch was the one place he had been where he felt the most fearful for his safety at night.

          • Its a sad state of affairs.

            When I was here for the earthquakes that was the end of it for me. It was like a massive kick in the balls on top of what I had already endured. Yet I still came back after a holiday in the UK and stayed for another 4 years. Madness.

          • Hi Anna. No, it would be a complete waste of my time. He is a drop kick. He’s a nice enough bloke to talk to, if I make the effort to talk to him, otherwise he completely ignores me. I’ll get a hello and thats as far as it ever goes. It’s like talking to a brick wall. He’s a miserable twat who couldn’t give a flying toss about his grandkids. He’s got no interest at all. He spends most of his time up the pub. If i mentioned anything about his daughter he’d be offended and would go against me. I already know he dislikes poms. One time when he borrowed my car for something he had the bloody cheek to remove my England sticker from my back window because some other kiwi gave him a hard time about it. I deliberately put England stickers on my rear window to wind up any twats behind me. English power! Haha.

          • Yeah I can see leaving you son in that situation could result in disaster. The issue in terms of leaving with him would be his age right? What is considered adult here these days? 16? 18? In any case quite a long time to suffer here.

        • You mean in NZ? NOWHERE. Give the country a wide birth unless you love being robbed while looking at the ‘scenery’.

          Only holiday here, don’t ever come to live.

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