Continuing in our series of Migrant Tales – first hand accounts of the migrant experience of New Zealand.
Today’s tale was sent in by an English migrant who arrived in New Zealand in 2007.
Hello there everyone.
This is my story, I’m writing this as I go, so apologies if it ends up being incredibly long, erratic, and jumps from one thing to another but I have to get out all this inner torment and torture (suffering) that I’ve put up with since coming to New Zealand.
I have been in NZ since the beginning of 2007. I am from England. I am currently still here due to family commitments. I have a young child here with an ex kiwi partner, and this is the only reason I have stayed so long in this hell hole. I was 23 when I came here. I was outgoing, lively, relatively positive, enthusiastic and had purpose. I am now 30 and a former shadow of myself. And by that, I mean I am broken. Without sounding pathetic or melodramatic, this place has affected me deeply, and in all the wrong ways.
You’d think after being here for 7 years, I’d of made at least a few decent friends. Not so. You’d think I’d of gotten somewhere in life. Not so. Coming to New Zealand has been the biggest regret of my life. It took maybe a year and a half for me to be completely sick to death of the place, and an expert at knowing the devious, twisted, conniving, insane, insufferable ways of the backward inbred kiwis. I want to make it crystal clear that I absolutely despise New Zealand and most Kiwis in general. Of course not every Kiwi is the same, but the majority I’ve met and dealt with are all carbon copied walking abortions not worthy of the air that they breathe. Theres simply no purpose to them. At all. I had a child with my kiwi partner at the time, (now my ex) which wasn’t planned, so i can blame myself for that in some ways. My son was born and I did the best I could to be a full time loving father and be there for him always. Thats why I am still here. I ended up hating New Zealand because the place is a massive drain on your sanity and finances. I am a creative person with musical and film making aspirations and trying to do anything like that here is a complete and utter waste of time. So through the years I just put up with living here, dealing with morons and the backwardness. Kiwis couldn’t run a bath. No one wants to do anything. I lost many jobs through anger and frustration because of the incompetence and tall poppy syndrome rife everywhere you go. People who I thought were my friends were infact just ‘bludger’s and users and it was always me inviting them over and buying the beer and dvds or whatever and they would never, ever return the favour. When the earthquake hit here in Christchurch where I’ve lived all this time, these ‘friends’ severed all communication with me after I said I couldn’t come and drive them about and help them with stuff because they didn’t have a car, and they went up the wall and basically told me to get effed. I had my own family to look after and was buggered if i was gunna be their bloody taxi and help out after I knew they were such using twats, and i knew they wouldn’t even offer me petrol money, like they usually didnt. But of course they expected me to drop them off home. Most of the time i never even got a thankyou.
Let me make these points about kiwis
1) There is something fundamentally wrong with them. This is not a joke. They are not a normal breed of human beings. They lack common sense, manners, any signs of intelligence, a sense of humour, insight and enthusiasm. All they want to do is represent complacency with their ‘she’ll be right’ attitude and reach the pinnacle of $hit. They are the most laziest people I have met in my life. Don’t ever criticise their precious country or the All Blacks or anything Kiwi related because they will freeze on the spot and have an aneurysm from being so offended. You will also be ostracised from their pathetic fraternity bum chum groups. You will probably be outcast from the whole bloody town. Everything is awesome here, awesome this awesome that. I get sick of the self righteous kiwi lingo. Notice how everything is shoved down your throat as well. Bloody kiwi this and kiwi that, 100% pure New Zealand etc. 100% pure bullshit more like. Yes, we get it, this is New Zealand and you are all bloody Kiwis. But please post the word KIWI everywhere possible just incase a non kiwi forgets this. Or incase a kiwi forgets its a kiwi. Or that the dogs and cats forget they are kiwis, and the birds too, and the air that we breathe. Theres being patriotic then theres going overboard to the extent of making your whole country seem obviously insecure and lacking. Watch the news here and watch them go crazy if a kiwi did something over seas. There could be a bus crash in Mexico with 20 people onboard all from different countries and just because a kiwi was one of them its major news. In reality, no one give a flying toss what a kiwi did/does, they are irrelevant to the rest of the world. Kiwis are insular minded weirdos, who thrive on nepotism and ripping people off. I’ll get to this in another point later on.
2) The driving…….jesus…wept. This is one of the main reasons I avoid going out as much as possible. I used to be an even tempered person before I came here. I now turn into the incredible hulk when I go out driving. My stress levels go through the roof, and if im honest, i want to get out of my car and kill them. Kiwi driving is at best, horrific. Remember that ‘anything goes’ here. Everyday you will witness cars breaking, making a turn and then indicating. What is the logic in that? There is none, because kiwis don’t think, they just do. Cars pull out infront of you, because they cant wait 5 seconds for you to past, because its a race on NZ roads and get this, ive seen them looking the other way to the direction they are going while pulling out…hahahahaahaha…how does that work???? When i give them the finger or roll down the window and yell a nasty swear word at them in spitting rage, they look at you like a confused child. MORONS. They give you a look of “WTF? I have no idea what the problem is here?” Undertaking, tail gating galore, tail gating at every opportunity even tho im going the speed limit. The two lanes that merge into one is always a pathetic race. Watch them refuse to let each other go first. Kiwis think that driving here is a race. Everything is a rush job. Walk the streets and count how many cars have out of date rego’s or wofs, its astounding. Some of them years old!!!!! You can also have a good laugh at the idiots who try to cover up their out of date regos with the wind screen wiper. Muppets.
3) Housing-A complete joke. Renting is a miserable experience. You pay out your arse for a Robinson Crusoe shack, and pay a fortune to enjoy the pleasures of it weekly. (Sarcasm.) You can read elsewhere on this site how bad housing is here in NZ.
Watch out for real estates renting out run down dodgy properties with broken stuff, like a heat pump that…doesnt pump out heat…or cold air in the summer…just air… then when you move in, they will accuse you of doing the damage and make you pay for it out of your bond. Its a recurring little rip off trick ive seen them do countless times with other people as well as myself.
4) If you are wanting to get the internet at your house, good luck trying to actually get it, is all I can say. I originally tried getting basic internet with Vodafone and they arranged a time for the technician to come over and hook us up, said he would be over at blah blah day at blah blah time and he never showed up. No phone call. Nothing. Phoned customer service and they make up some lie and arrange another date. The same thing happens. I gave them one more chance and you guessed it, same thing happens. Weeks later after going with Spark (had issues with them too) Vodafone post me a brochure saying hey come join us we’re great! Absolute clowns.
No one calls you back here in New Zealand. The communication is non existent. Good luck trying to get anywhere with the likes of job applying and applying for stuff and emailing/calling anyone or having to leave a message. No one will reply at all. You will have to call back and chase after them all.
Are you wanting supplements? Vitamic C? Some multivits? Order them online from somewhere other than NZ. You will pay something like $35-40 dollars for something like co-enzyme Q10 which i can get for 4-6 quid from Tesco in England, and New Zealand pharmacies sell them for 15 quid ffs. Go to hell NZ.
5) Trademe-just dont bother. Avoid it like the plague. I would rather buy something brand new than have to deal with the scumbags on there ever again. Do your bidding and buying off ebay and use paypal if you like online auctions. NEVER trust a kiwi. Do not give them your business. You will be ripped off anyway and will be paying 10 times the price of what its worth.
Everything in NZ is a rip off. Don’t give these blood suckers your hard earned cash. Do not invest in NZ. Do not do it for gods sake. You will LOSE. You will be ripped off.
The 7 years i have been here i have learned that anything i do, is a waste of time. Talking to kiwis is a waste of time. Going to work is a waste of time. (Because its a black hole inhabited by zombies and thickos, whatever work place you go to. But i have to work to survive.) Trying to make friends is a waste of time. Having a sense of humour is a waste of time. Trying to organise anything is a waste of time. Motivating people is a waste of time. Imagine New Zealand as a desert island with a few amenities run by monkeys. Thats exactly what it is like here. The place is beyond incompetent. Things take a millennium to get done, even the basics. Also, for a country that boasts to have so many national parks and loads of space, why do kiwis cram everything into a tiny space? Why are car parks tiny and narrow? Why are fast food drive thru’s built for midgets? Why are car parks tiny? WHY??????
Back to my point about nepotism-its who you know here, not what you know. Stuff your qualifications from back home, they are not accepted here. You are treated with disdain. Pay out your arse to get the kiwi version. Just because. Because they want your money.
7 years on ladies and gentlemen and I sit here in my rented dive, and I am no further than i was when i came here. I worked two jobs for the last two years just to stay afloat and had a nervous breakdown. I have had to take prescription drugs for anxiety and panic attacks. I have nightmares every night and the boredom of this hell hole is crushing. Most of the other poms ive met here have been kiwi-ised and dont want to go back home. If i slag off NZ they go all funny and dont want to talk about it. If i start a lively conversation with a kiwi or crack a joke they act surprised and do not understand anything i say. Complete waste of time. I spend most of my time in my house after work and on the weekends, escaping by watching films, playing games, reading alot, doing my writing and music and just avoiding kiwis at all cost because its an utter waste of time. You see, I dont want to get pissed up on the weekends, worship rugby, play sport or indulge in boring kiwi past times so i spend my days and nights alone. I’m not a kiwi, i am English, and being a pom in nz is a crime. At the end of this year i will be returning to England for a year or two. I am very excited and remain hopeful of a better life there. I know as soon as i get on the plane, and it takes off, i will feel euphoria. I will mis my son deeply, but i have to go back for a bit before i end up killing myself.
I have considered taking my life a few times out of pure misery and desperation. I never would because of my son but i do think about it sometimes. I feel so isolated and miserable here. No one should have to feel like this. Caught between a rock and a hard place. I love my son with all my heart and we are very close. So leaving New Zealand has always been an option but i couldn’t bare being apart from my son. I’m as tough and ‘well ard’ as any kiwi male here, and could take on the best of them, but i have my psychological limit like anyone else. You’re expected to harden up here, which means bottle up your feelings, never express yourself until you become a ticking time bomb.
I don’t know wtf has happened to me. I have lost all sense of who i am, who i used to be. I am a wreck now. I avoid going out because i have to bite my lip and resist smashing an ignorant kiwis face in. I have an incredibly short fuse now. I dont drink or do drugs or smoke. I try and release my anger and hatred and misery through my writing and music but its not good enough. I feel like a prisoner.
Please do not end up like me. The first time you get an inkling that you dont like it here..GET OUT. Make like a tree and leave. You will not regret leaving. There is nothing here but disappointment and a slow death.
NZ is great for a holiday, nothing more. If you’re just visiting, im sure you will have a great time.
Thanks for reading. I am leaving at the end of the year and am counting down the days. I am better than this, and you are too, to subject yourself to New Zealands bullshit and lies and fake promises. Futile futility.