Migrant Tales – Nebula’s Tale

life in nz

Frontier life in New Zealand

Continuing in our series of Migrant Tales – first hand accounts of the migrant experience of New Zealand.

Today’s tale was sent in by an English migrant who arrived in New Zealand in 2007.

Hello there everyone.

This is my story, I’m writing this as I go, so apologies if it ends up being incredibly long, erratic, and jumps from one thing to another but I have to get out all this inner torment and torture (suffering) that I’ve put up with since coming to New Zealand.

I have been in NZ since the beginning of 2007. I am from England. I am currently still here due to family commitments. I have a young child here with an ex kiwi partner, and this is the only reason I have stayed so long in this hell hole. I was 23 when I came here. I was outgoing, lively, relatively positive, enthusiastic and had purpose. I am now 30 and a former shadow of myself. And by that, I mean I am broken. Without sounding pathetic or melodramatic, this place has affected me deeply, and in all the wrong ways.

You’d think after being here for 7 years, I’d of made at least a few decent friends. Not so. You’d think I’d of gotten somewhere in life. Not so. Coming to New Zealand has been the biggest regret of my life. It took maybe a year and a half for me to be completely sick to death of the place, and an expert at knowing the devious, twisted, conniving, insane, insufferable ways of the backward inbred kiwis. I want to make it crystal clear that I absolutely despise New Zealand and most Kiwis in general. Of course not every Kiwi is the same, but the majority I’ve met and dealt with are all carbon copied walking abortions not worthy of the air that they breathe. Theres simply no purpose to them. At all. I had a child with my kiwi partner at the time, (now my ex) which wasn’t planned, so i can blame myself for that in some ways. My son was born and I did the best I could to be a full time loving father and be there for him always. Thats why I am still here. I ended up hating New Zealand because the place is a massive drain on your sanity and finances. I am a creative person with musical and film making aspirations and trying to do anything like that here is a complete and utter waste of time. So through the years I just put up with living here, dealing with morons and the backwardness. Kiwis couldn’t run a bath. No one wants to do anything. I lost many jobs through anger and frustration because of the incompetence and tall poppy syndrome rife everywhere you go. People who I thought were my friends were infact just ‘bludger’s and users and it was always me inviting them over and buying the beer and dvds or whatever and they would never, ever return the favour. When the earthquake hit here in Christchurch where I’ve lived all this time, these ‘friends’ severed all communication with me after I said I couldn’t come and drive them about and help them with stuff because they didn’t have a car, and they went up the wall and basically told me to get effed. I had my own family to look after and was buggered if i was gunna be their bloody taxi and help out after I knew they were such using twats, and i knew they wouldn’t even offer me petrol money, like they usually didnt. But of course they expected me to drop them off home. Most of the time i never even got a thankyou.

Let me make these points about kiwis

1) There is something fundamentally wrong with them. This is not a joke. They are not a normal breed of human beings. They lack common sense, manners, any signs of intelligence, a sense of humour, insight and enthusiasm. All they want to do is represent complacency with their ‘she’ll be right’ attitude and reach the pinnacle of $hit. They are the most laziest people I have met in my life. Don’t ever criticise their precious country or the All Blacks or anything Kiwi related because they will freeze on the spot and have an aneurysm from being so offended. You will also be ostracised from their pathetic fraternity bum chum groups. You will probably be outcast from the whole bloody town. Everything is awesome here, awesome this awesome that. I get sick of the self righteous kiwi lingo. Notice how everything is shoved down your throat as well. Bloody kiwi this and kiwi that, 100% pure New Zealand etc. 100% pure bullshit more like. Yes, we get it, this is New Zealand and you are all bloody Kiwis. But please post the word KIWI everywhere possible just incase a non kiwi forgets this. Or incase a kiwi forgets its a kiwi. Or that the dogs and cats forget they are kiwis, and the birds too, and the air that we breathe. Theres being patriotic then theres going overboard to the extent of making your whole country seem obviously insecure and lacking. Watch the news here and watch them go crazy if a kiwi did something over seas. There could be a bus crash in Mexico with 20 people onboard all from different countries and just because a kiwi was one of them its major news. In reality, no one give a flying toss what a kiwi did/does, they are irrelevant to the rest of the world. Kiwis are insular minded weirdos, who thrive on nepotism and ripping people off. I’ll get to this in another point later on.

2) The driving…….jesus…wept. This is one of the main reasons I avoid going out as much as possible. I used to be an even tempered person before I came here. I now turn into the incredible hulk when I go out driving. My stress levels go through the roof, and if im honest, i want to get out of my car and kill them. Kiwi driving is at best, horrific. Remember that ‘anything goes’ here. Everyday you will witness cars breaking, making a turn and then indicating. What is the logic in that? There is none, because kiwis don’t think, they just do. Cars pull out infront of you, because they cant wait 5 seconds for you to past, because its a race on NZ roads and get this, ive seen them looking the other way to the direction they are going while pulling out…hahahahaahaha…how does that work???? When i give them the finger or roll down the window and yell a nasty swear word at them in spitting rage, they look at you like a confused child. MORONS. They give you a look of “WTF? I have no idea what the problem is here?” Undertaking, tail gating galore, tail gating at every opportunity even tho im going the speed limit. The two lanes that merge into one is always a pathetic race. Watch them refuse to let each other go first. Kiwis think that driving here is a race. Everything is a rush job. Walk the streets and count how many cars have out of date rego’s or wofs, its astounding. Some of them years old!!!!! You can also have a good laugh at the idiots who try to cover up their out of date regos with the wind screen wiper. Muppets.

3) Housing-A complete joke. Renting is a miserable experience. You pay out your arse for a Robinson Crusoe shack, and pay a fortune to enjoy the pleasures of it weekly. (Sarcasm.) You can read elsewhere on this site how bad housing is here in NZ.

Watch out for real estates renting out run down dodgy properties with broken stuff, like a heat pump that…doesnt pump out heat…or cold air in the summer…just air… then when you move in, they will accuse you of doing the damage and make you pay for it out of your bond. Its a recurring little rip off trick ive seen them do countless times with other people as well as myself.

4) If you are wanting to get the internet at your house, good luck trying to actually get it, is all I can say. I originally tried getting basic internet with Vodafone and they arranged a time for the technician to come over and hook us up, said he would be over at blah blah day at blah blah time and he never showed up. No phone call. Nothing. Phoned customer service and they make up some lie and arrange another date. The same thing happens. I gave them one more chance and you guessed it, same thing happens. Weeks later after going with Spark (had issues with them too) Vodafone post me a brochure saying hey come join us we’re great! Absolute clowns.

No one calls you back here in New Zealand. The communication is non existent. Good luck trying to get anywhere with the likes of job applying and applying for stuff and emailing/calling anyone or having to leave a message. No one will reply at all. You will have to call back and chase after them all.

Are you wanting supplements? Vitamic C? Some multivits? Order them online from somewhere other than NZ. You will pay something like $35-40 dollars for something like co-enzyme Q10 which i can get for 4-6 quid from Tesco in England, and New Zealand pharmacies sell them for 15 quid ffs. Go to hell NZ.

5) Trademe-just dont bother. Avoid it like the plague. I would rather buy something brand new than have to deal with the scumbags on there ever again. Do your bidding and buying off ebay and use paypal if you like online auctions. NEVER trust a kiwi. Do not give them your business. You will be ripped off anyway and will be paying 10 times the price of what its worth.

Everything in NZ is a rip off. Don’t give these blood suckers your hard earned cash. Do not invest in NZ. Do not do it for gods sake. You will LOSE. You will be ripped off.

The 7 years i have been here i have learned that anything i do, is a waste of time. Talking to kiwis is a waste of time. Going to work is a waste of time. (Because its a black hole inhabited by zombies and thickos, whatever work place you go to. But i have to work to survive.) Trying to make friends is a waste of time. Having a sense of humour is a waste of time. Trying to organise anything is a waste of time. Motivating people is a waste of time. Imagine New Zealand as a desert island with a few amenities run by monkeys. Thats exactly what it is like here. The place is beyond incompetent. Things take a millennium to get done, even the basics. Also, for a country that boasts to have so many national parks and loads of space, why do kiwis cram everything into a tiny space? Why are car parks tiny and narrow? Why are fast food drive thru’s built for midgets? Why are car parks tiny? WHY??????

Back to my point about nepotism-its who you know here, not what you know. Stuff your qualifications from back home, they are not accepted here. You are treated with disdain. Pay out your arse to get the kiwi version. Just because. Because they want your money.

7 years on ladies and gentlemen and I sit here in my rented dive, and I am no further than i was when i came here. I worked two jobs for the last two years just to stay afloat and had a nervous breakdown. I have had to take prescription drugs for anxiety and panic attacks. I have nightmares every night and the boredom of this hell hole is crushing. Most of the other poms ive met here have been kiwi-ised and dont want to go back home. If i slag off NZ they go all funny and dont want to talk about it. If i start a lively conversation with a kiwi or crack a joke they act surprised and do not understand anything i say. Complete waste of time. I spend most of my time in my house after work and on the weekends, escaping by watching films, playing games, reading alot, doing my writing and music and just avoiding kiwis at all cost because its an utter waste of time. You see, I dont want to get pissed up on the weekends, worship rugby, play sport or indulge in boring kiwi past times so i spend my days and nights alone. I’m not a kiwi, i am English, and being a pom in nz is a crime. At the end of this year i will be returning to England for a year or two. I am very excited and remain hopeful of a better life there. I know as soon as i get on the plane, and it takes off, i will feel euphoria. I will mis my son deeply, but i have to go back for a bit before i end up killing myself.

I have considered taking my life a few times out of pure misery and desperation. I never would because of my son but i do think about it sometimes. I feel so isolated and miserable here. No one should have to feel like this. Caught between a rock and a hard place. I love my son with all my heart and we are very close. So leaving New Zealand has always been an option but i couldn’t bare being apart from my son. I’m as tough and ‘well ard’ as any kiwi male here, and could take on the best of them, but i have my psychological limit like anyone else. You’re expected to harden up here, which means bottle up your feelings, never express yourself until you become a ticking time bomb.

I don’t know wtf has happened to me. I have lost all sense of who i am, who i used to be. I am a wreck now. I avoid going out because i have to bite my lip and resist smashing an ignorant kiwis face in. I have an incredibly short fuse now. I dont drink or do drugs or smoke. I try and release my anger and hatred and misery through my writing and music but its not good enough. I feel like a prisoner.

Please do not end up like me. The first time you get an inkling that you dont like it here..GET OUT. Make like a tree and leave. You will not regret leaving. There is nothing here but disappointment and a slow death.

NZ is great for a holiday, nothing more. If you’re just visiting, im sure you will have a great time.

Thanks for reading. I am leaving at the end of the year and am counting down the days. I am better than this, and you are too, to subject yourself to New Zealands bullshit and lies and fake promises. Futile futility.

59 thoughts on “Migrant Tales – Nebula’s Tale

  1. Now I understand your pain, I have seen your comments, and I feel your frustration. I am thinking you are so strong to survive 7 years in NZ or now probably more. I agree with all your comments and your impressions about NZ and its people. I am not from the uk but I have been living in your country for 5 year. This is where I met my ex husband – Kiwi. When I got to this isolated place, I knew it will be a beginning of my nightmare. It is exactly like you saying, in the UK there is so much opportunities, it is not perfect but still you can enjoy your life. Here in NZ there is nothing I could do, nothing with no one, no job opportunities no friends, no open minded people, no art, no reading books, only rugby and abuse all sorts of abuse. I felt exactly like you, just scared and lonely often. My ex husband accused me I didnt want to drive on the roads haha and it is funny but I did few times and once we had an accident and I have been in NZ only half a year. I am still recovering mentally after this shithole I have never thought there is such a place on earth where people are so mislead, we all not expect what we get there. You right some people just dont want to talk about their own pain, they adjust and they not talking about emotions. Kiwi’s are not talking about emotions. They just the most primitive people I have even came across and I have been in 4 countries plus I have been traveled through most Asia’s countries. It is like they are so fucked from the young age and they not witness any empathy from their parents they only find an excitement out of drugs and an alcohol, plus there is something more to it. When I traveled with Kiwi to India due to this lack of empathy Kiwi though it was all right to just eat and order what they wanted – they are so stupid on a way, they one not respect others and two they are putting themselves in a danger too, they naive and at the end of the day if you consider they never read any books they dont know any better. They watching other country as a movie, and wondering where is a popcorn or KFC, to bite it through. I was astonished how ignorant they can be. I am hoping you will get out of this county and you are still young – I am 33 now and I have to do it all over again – this is painful – because of this NZ trip I lost so much time, money and mental health. I am happy you have some plans. Please never give up. Just appreciate little things. Get out of the computer sometimes and breath and just relax. I hope you will find a way and you will find your place, after so long break going back to the UK might be a very strange experience. You also not alone there. I am sure you will get your balance one day and please be safe. All the best and hope some day we will here from you that you are happy and out of this place!

    • Hi Justasimplegirl,

      Thank-you for the kind words. Thankfully I am still young, I am 31 years old. But I feel so unhappy that I wasted most of my 20’s here. I was 23 when I arrive in NZ. Ohhh how I wish I could go back in time and change it all, but don’t we all? May I ask, what country are you originally from?

      The simple truth is I was aware the first 2 weeks into my arrival in NZ that something was wrong with the place. I’m lucky enough to have good insight. This was way back in 2006 around November.And yet I became trapped partly because of my own mistake of having a child with a Kiwi, and at the time I had no where else to live. I had gotten away from UK at the time because of being fed up. I feel sad that my life would turn out WORSE by coming to NZ..

      Are you out of New Zealand now?

  2. “I find it a huge pity that I was not given the opportunity to become a more worthwhile member of New Zealand’s society, and feel it’s not what you know but who you know that counts over here.”

    NZ would be so much better off [imo] if they were to use to their benefit the knowledge and experience of immigrants [most of which WANT to share their knowledge and be of good use]. I think that this is why they are SO FAR BEHIND.

    • They are so far behind because they are pig ignorant and thick as $hit. Yet kiwis truly believe they are something special and expect/demand everyone else to conform to their backward stone age ways.

      • Nebula, you have a charming way with words, and a not so subtle turn of phrase, but yes, you do have a strong point. It is so stone age backwards that it is actually dangerous to live in NZ.

        • Call me ‘Frank’, because I’m straight to the point and no holds barred hehe.

          On what you said, I also think its a dangerous place, not only for your personal physical safety, but especially for your state of mind and wallet. You will either end up like one of them, complacent and shelled out, because you want to ‘fit in’ and years worth surrounded by morons has rubbed off on you, and ‘you’d never go back to ole Blighty’ or you end up hating the place, stuck, ostracised, alone, pissed off, ripped off, financially wrecked and counting the days until you can get a plane the effing hell out of here never to return. I’m the latter.

          I live in Christchurch, so you can imagine how crap it here here compared to say Auckland or Wellington. I have to deal with a ruined city as well as muppets on daily basis.

          • Nebula, all of that has happened to me in the last few years and I am a shell of my former self and am trying desperately to avoid being financially ruined as well. They are sick cookies, some of the sickest that I have ever seen. It’s no game, they are out to destroy- annihilate. I am flying out in a few weeks but I have not sold my house. The neighborhood is hideous due to the really bad policing, where the criminals are relished and encouraged.

      • Numerous times, I have taught apprentices, consulted with [knowledgeable] homeowners, and usually, the consensus is “why don’t we do that here”? The availability of “new” methods IS available.

        • Kiwis are a fool unto themselves. They don’t want to progress. They are stubborn and obnoxious. The way they do things is ‘the right way’ and anything else is just laughed at.

          They are their own worst enemy.

          • I agree with that you know the vacuum cleaners that New Zealand sells, heck what New Zealand sells in terms of vacuum cleaners is outdated tech and other parts of the world are selling up to date vacuum cleaners

  3. A story of one my friends in their own words:

    “We arrived as a professional couple 20 years ago with twin babies. I had actually emigrated successfully to Africa nearly 30 years before from Britain and we met/married there.

    We used a local job finding agent to set up interviews. It became quickly evident that I, at least, was not going to get a job easily as the agent only came up with a “mass selection” gathering at a hotel in Takapuna for Department of Labour Health and Safety as a trainee inspector (a job I had extensive qualifications and experience in overseas).

    Seemingly, my qualifications, according to OSH and NZQA, were not acceptable as they were not issued by an academic institution, despite being gained from the Government training organisation set up to provide such, and with 50 years more experience in doing it than New Zealand. Funny too, the New Zealand branch of Occupational Safety Management registered me as a qualified associate but told me as an aside that it was going to be difficult.

    I needed to find employment so bought into an international personal and institutional development franchise based in Christchurch, so that I could use my B.Com. I ran this for nearly three years until the bottom of the market fell out and I closed shop and lost the house.

    After that, I did casual work such as car ferry transfers to dealerships, and other small odd jobs. I constantly tried to get back into Occupational Health and Safety, which was just starting up in New Zealand but was told things like “you are too qualified for this position, our regional manager hasn’t got the qualifications and experience you have”.

    I joined local Civil Defence as a volunteer and after a few years was given paid temporary work with them as a trainer but found that they had not been upfront with me and left. I had disaster management training and experience from my previous overseas employer as part of my job. After that I did a lot of small jobs like bus driving and security work until I retired.

    My wife is a qualified teacher but her diploma was not accepted as being as good as the New Zealand qualification.

    My children have been educated to university entrance standard (still progressing) and hopefully they will become more integrated than me.

    I find it a huge pity that I was not given the opportunity to become a more worthwhile member of New Zealand’s society, and feel it’s not what you know but who you know that counts over here.

    I had just short of 4000 applications, most went unanswered, and only about 17 interviews were generated.

    We still love the place, but I really don’t feel that I belong here. Many of our friends originating from Africa and Britain have felt the same and shoved off overseas.”

    I rest my case…

  4. I feel for you Mr.Nebula… totally in agreement with fellow bloggers.

    Would like to say… it takes a lot courage to come out in open and share one’s experience howsoever unpleasant it seems. Helps not only in easing the stress but also gives one strength to tackle the problem head-on. So just hang in there.

    AND I do believe that NZ is just like LOTR…
    Just as LOTR is mythical so is NZ… at-least for those who are already a part of it. The reality is as distant as NZ is geographically from the rest of the world.

    For all those who are dreaming to be a part of this ‘Heavenly Abode’… hope it doesn’t turn in to a nightmare.


    • Hey gianstefano,

      Thanks. Just doing what I can to establish the truth about NZ and its lies.

      Did you spend much time in NZ?

      • Well, I have ENJOYED my share of Aotearoa for about two decades… toughened up and everything… before realizing that it was time to say “so long” to the “land of the long white cloud”.

        Over the years, I have been lucky enough to have resided in 4 continents… at some point of time…all thanks to work and not just tourism. I have unmistakably come across the perceptions of people…albeit naive… in considering NZ as a slice of heaven.

        None of these people have had ‘the Privilege’ to have resided in NZ,
        none of ’em have had gone through ‘the system’ (or the lack of it),
        none of ’em have had any close friends or relatives ‘brought up’ in NZ,
        hardly any of ’em have even been to NZ even as tourists
        AND almost none of them have had to suffer the trauma endured by fellow bloggers here…
        …so their inadvertent ignorance is a blatant indicative of the success of the Socialist-Style Propaganda played by the ‘Immigration NZ’ all across the globe.

        Only if the likes of ‘e2nz’ could help clear the misconceptions, then… it will give any one daring to dream to settle in NZ a more informed choice.

        Agree, that every place has its quirks and standards. But its better to be forewarned than forearmed.
        No point in going for a forbidden fruit if its gonna be bitter and not in a good way.


  5. In most circumstances, you would be looked at as the anomalous factor. They are so fouled up, they don’t know good from bad, up from down.
    Welcome to kiwi culture.

    • Exactly. Any exposure to their deviant ways is reversed on you as if YOU are the one committing the crime and out of order. Ironic and pointless how you’d have to spend thousands on a lawyer getting any justice in this shit hole.

  6. The same is all over NZ, Nebula. I was in a tenancy tribunal hearing verses Crockers Body Corporate managers of Auckland, and the hearing ruled in favour of me. They applied for a rehearing and did not get it granted. Soon after I received jacked- up invoices which amounted to $2000 after a few weeks. They were fake invoices to cover their losses.
    Bully tactics and extortion is a big part of the Kiwi culture. This country and culture is unhealthy and it is hard to maintain mental health in such an environment. If you go to psyche services for help, they just offer you meds to cope with the enormous fuck up of ;- corruption, extortion, bullying, super nasty people who are essentially inbred morons and criminals and psychopaths. You are not allowed to defend yourself, you just have to take “meds.” So you just are supposed to let yourself get done over and have your life ruined.

    • Yep, happens every day. No one is ever accountable and the buck is passed to every person imaginable. Their belief system is if they mess you about for long enough you will just give up and walk away. Then they can sweep it all under the carpet like everything else.

  7. Be very aware of NATIONWIDE WESTSIDE REAL ESTATE, not sure if im allowed to post names of companies, but avoid these [deleted] like the plague. Especially the Christchurch branch. My partner and I have had nothing but bullshit and harrassment from them since renting one of their rip off dives, and now they are trying to [take] money out of us for a heat pump repair service (the heatpump was munted months before we moved in) which they are liable to pay for not us. We also had to clean up the mess the previous tenants made, there were wires hanging out of the plug sockets, a soaking wet mould floor from previous tenants defrosting fridge just left on in the living room, and countless more insane shit that we had to deal with. They had pomised to sort all this before we moved in and NOTHING had been done.

    We were then told we should be ‘grateful’ that we were even given the house!

    I’d like to see how these clowns are going to enforce this $100 repair bill. They can shove it up thier arses as far as im concerned and under what terms and condirions, acts or sections does it state that extorting tenants for complete bullshit fees is even legal? The tenancy tribunal guys said they can not enforec it, so what then usually happens with these Westside weasels is they will threaten to evict you.

    As I’m English I’m not standing for any of it. I will take them to the fucking cleaners.

    Bully tactics and extortion. Welcome to Christchurch New Zealand.

  8. “things would change and quickly”.
    Case on point: vinyl windows have been a standard replacement/upgrade for aluminium windows since the ’70s. Aluminium framed windows [single pane] are STILL the standard in NZ [vinyl is almost unheard of] and are generally accepted [even though all of the weeping from condensation]. Aluminium cased windows have not been “state of the art” for 40+ years [elsewhere].
    This is one small example [of many] of how out of date things are and seem to stay that way as there is little to no interest to do anything else. Happy to be 40+ years behind [and worse off for it], go figure.

    • The “unsuitable” for conditions is right. The way that NZ houses were [and are] built you’d think that they never saw a temperature lower than 50′ [single digits in C]. That is just not a reality in NZ. So, poorly designed, poor quality materials [better quality materials don’t make it here], poor production/installation, outrageously high costs, unwillingness to adopt more modern methods/materials…
      The “harden up, she’ll be right” attitude that prevents any improvement is the most baffling. It would appear that [due to modern information transference] things would change and quickly. But there seems to be this quaint adherence to things as they have always been [which is absolute crap]. Cold in winter, hot in summer, damp, and drafty. And very expensive to own, rent, heat, cool…
      You’ll be hard pressed to maintain any sort of “comfort level” in most NZ housing unless of course it is comfortable already outside which only happens for a few months per year, then you’ll be fine [for those few months].

      • The couple of properties I have purchased in NZ I have had to spent $25k on insulation and double glazing for the sake of my children. I don’t live in Auckland. I have noticed that this add no value whatsoever when it comes to selling. If we move again we will face the same problem.

        • Unfortunately style over substance appears to be a recurring theme in NZ – locals apparently happy to spend thousands on a new glam kitchen – not bothering about insulation , central heating etc.

          Frankly , getting the average Kiwi house up to something even remotely approaching European / North American standards is nigh to impossible.

          Check out the Papakowhai Renovation Project.


        • ” I have noticed that this add no value whatsoever when it comes to selling.”
          You won’t see a penny [except for maybe in you heating bill] because this is some new fangled idea, insulation and double glazing. Next, you’ll be talking crazy, like central heating.

        • Hilarious how they sell properties for $500,000 upwards and then you have to dip into your pocket and spend extra to make it fully liveable i.e the insulation and double glazing.

          I could buy my old house in England for $250,000 and its double glazed, central heating etc, built to last.

  9. Hi Nebula,

    Thanks for writing this. I agree with much of what you said. I was born in New Zealand and moved to the US when I was 10. Those first few years of school in NZ were rife with bullying, hostility, and tall poppy syndrome (a HUGE blight in NZ culture, thank you for mentioning it). I had very few friends. That experience caused me to be paranoid in meeting kids at school and people in general here in the US: I assumed they were going to be mean-spirited and insufferable to me. How wrong I was! People are much friendlier and helpful here, in my experience. My parents made an excellent decision to move us to the US; the education system in NZ would not have been as good for my personal development. I really hope you and your son get an opportunity to migrate to other countries with better education systems and opportunities, as well as friendlier people. On the flip side, I shake my head when I read about people moving to NZ from places such as Singapore and Hong Kong, which generally have better education systems than NZ, thanks to the false promises used to lure people down there.

    On that note, I agree that the “100% pure” spiel is a load of BS which is used to hype up the country, when crime, welfare, and other statistics are among the worst in the Western world. If it really was “100% pure New Zealand”, there wouldn’t be tens of thousands of people leaving the country every year, as well as half a million Kiwis in Australia. That’s a huge percentage of a country’s population emigrating (in fact I think it’s a higher percentage than in China or India).

    As for housing, I had colds and fever way too often when living in NZ, and the poor insulation and lack of heating (why this is the case is still beyond me) contributed to what was a completely avoidable problem.

    It makes me sad to read about your experience and those of others, as well as to write about my own, but it’s all very true to a large extent. The country has a lot of natural beauty (although the US and just about every other country does as well), but living there can negate all of this beauty as both you UK Builder point out. I visited NZ last year with my wife (it was her first visit). She really liked it and told me she wished that she could live there, on top of years of saying to me “you’re so lucky to be born in such a beautiful country.” Sorry, but I just laugh uproariously when she says all of that, as living there is NOT AT ALL like visiting it. In fact, I have found a number of “third world” countries I’ve visited to be a better value for money than NZ, for visiting and living.

    • Hi Sean,

      I’d love to live in America. Bet your glad you got out on NZ! Each day here is a constant battle against insanity and tedium. Everyone back home also thinks NZ is this LOTR paradise and they want to live here. The twats wouldn’t even be able to save the flight money. They manage Ibiza and crap like that. Boring. I lived in my car in UK to save to come to this dump. Oh the irony.

      I avoid people at all costs here now, a complete waste of time talking to Kiwis unless you want to hear repeating twats drone on about the same mundane kill your self verbal garbage you will not experience anywhere else in the world.

  10. I have read similar posts from Kiwis living in the UK so homesickness manifests itself in this way. I have lived here 22 years and have enjoyed a lot of things about NZ. I am now in my late forties with teenage children and raising a family and talking to friends back in the UK about their family experiences I can see that my own children are navigating an extreme peer pressure environment. My daughter’s classmates are sleeping around at 13 and 14 and there is access to drugs at school. I talk to friends back in the UK and they are not having to deal with these sort of issues.

  11. Its a very one sided country. I just had an argument in a forum looking for crew for the 48 hour film challenge (really don’t know why i bothered, prob because i am bored shitless) and made a comment that people in Christchurch were lacking in enthusiasm and it never changes.

    I got the usual ‘go home then’ replies, and all the predictable template replies like “you need anger management” and posting pictures of a crying baby rather than responding to all the FACTS I made about this country.

    They avoid all the points you make and just insult you. Then admin ‘locks’ the thread after posting a lecturing comment to me saying this is my last warning. Ha. So all the kiwi clowns mouthing off were exempt from the same rules and I’m the only one being outed. Hmmmmmmmmm…..so familiar…soooooo expected….sooooo predictable.

    • About the 48 hour film challenge, I know exactly how you feel about “lack of enthusiasm”.
      I signed up for one stint with a director (who is now published with the newspapers – the one that speaks about “support for the arts” and “we need a kinder, caring society”) … and on the day of the competition, he could not be reached by phone –and afterwards made himself unavailable for questioning about his tardiness.
      On the flip side it could simply be that they just wanted to exclude you (and me) — and rather than being seen as “racist”, they prefer to be seen as “laid back”.
      The doublespeak makes you analyse everything … like a madman.

      • I find it hard to just get out of bed most days. I’ve nothing to look forward to here. I won’t be doing the 48 hour film challenge this year as they’ve hiked up the price to $219!!! As if $199 wasn’t already enough. I will be spending my time instead on writing some stuff to send into UK writing competitions.

        Sigh. Back to work today. I took a couple of days off to just avoid the place and the irritants that work there. From start to finish it’s a slow, agonising experience, where pettiness, tedium and extreme political correctness gets between anything basic you do. This place is becoming like George Orwell’s 1984.

    • Hello. Yes I was once on that site. I was banned for arguing (raging, swearing, whatever) and then the site folded not long after for other reasons. Wasn’t a very good site to be honest. I probably went the wrong way about venting my issues but thats my fault. Live and learn. I’ve done two years worth of film making here and I will not be bothering anymore.

      Did you visit the site a few times? What did you think?

      Apologies if my language is colourful at times, I do try to limit my swearing. When I was a member on expatexposed I let it all tumble out like circus freaks and offended quite a few people. But hey, it was the truth, I just expressed it in a hateful angry way filled with profanities lol. I normally wouldn’t feel so bloody repressed and deprived but New Zealand has suffocated me so long long and brought the absolute worst out in me.

      I have no one to talk to or confide to here in NZ. Not in person anyway. Its’ not like you can trust a kiwi is it? Or even if you do find some good professional help, its usually an arm and a leg to afford it. And at a ridiculous price.

      E2NZ has been incredibly helpful in finding others like myself who have experienced the real New Zealand. The bad side. It just amazes me that what goes on here is not more widespread and known to other countries.

        • I was also on expatexposed for a while until it went offline. Anyway i shared my story there. I am currently living in Auckland city and have been for the last 3 years. I am now dealing with depression and anxiety and i’m only in my late 20’s. Anyway, it is fair to say that Auckland has not been what i thought it would be. It is far from this clean, green adventurous paradise that everyone portrays.

          • I’m 30 mate and it doesn’t get any better. Get out of there for your own sanity trust me. Fuck NZ.

  12. The sport itself is not a bad sport and quite enjoyable, but NZ takes it too far, the very fact they were contemplating using the all blacks flag as a replacement for the national flag was absolutely ridiculous.

    I do get sick of the naive Brits in the UK though, only last night stood in the gents at my local I got the “you should have gone to NZ” line for the God knows how many times, it’s beyond funny coming from people who have never been, won’t ever go and don’t have a clue what they are on about.

    I read so many comments on here, where I nod my head and smile in agreement, the people, the expense, the lifestyle, don’t get me wrong the place would be ok if you were a millionaire with cash to burn and you could afford not to work, but unfortunately I’m not in that position.

    For day to day run of the mill life, the place looses its shine very quickly, the mountain views become a distant thought when your stupidly high mortgage payments are being dragged from your bank account every 2 weeks, the empty beaches become something you don’t have time for while you struggle to keep your house water tight and warm.

    Some can, others can’t, for me life isn’t about living on a bread line, watching every penny, worrying about using a heat pump due to the high costs, trying to find a place where your clothes don’t get destroyed by mould and damp, wiping away condensation from the windows every morning, trying to convince the family that camping in a field for a week will be like a holiday in Greece, stood in countdown looking left and right, wondering if the price is wrong on those 6 bottles of European beer marked up at $22 the list goes on, but it’s ok, you can tell all your friends in the UK via Facebook that life great and you’d never go back, some people like to be that person that “lives in NZ” because people ‘think’ it’s great, and that’s all that matters.

    • Its a shit state of affairs and like you said if you were someone like James Cameron (who lives in the north island as you prob might know) then of course you would love it in NZ. People like him piss me off because he says he loves NZ and its great, and loves the kiwi way of life. Well wouldn’t he just being a billionaire pretty much and people kissing your arse every day because you’re a famous film director. He lives on another planet compared to you and I.

      There is no way forward in NZ. You can not progress. You can only descend into madness and poverty. I get the same condescending comments from mates back home as well. They seem to be experts about everything and have never left their town or village, and some of them still live with mummy and daddy, no car, don’t have to pay rent etc. Screw that. Sick and tired of them thinking its like Lord of The Rings.

      My heat pump didn’t work the day i moved in and the pricks still haven’t bothered to fix it despite several phone calls and letters to the estate agents. So I have to rely on those crappy oil heaters.

      I’m seeing my grandmother when i go back to England end of this year and she asks me why im unable to save much and i said she had no idea what its like here, how i scrape by from one week to the other and this is just paying rent and buying food and petrol.

  13. Sorry to hear yet another story of someone feeling miserable and trapped in this miserable little colonial outpost.
    I’ve been here (Auckland) for 25 years and would be on the next flight out of here if I could but Mrs. CK is having none of it.
    For those feeling very alone it’d be good to set up a bit of a support network and catch up for a pint. (If that’s possible, even Speaker’s Corner in Browns Bay has gone downhill lately)
    Rich, Nebula, etc. let us know where you’re based and maybe we could sort something.
    It’s a tough thing to feel so isolated and to be dealing with it alone. Whaddya think peeps?

  14. Without wanting to offend any homosexual readers: Rugby is gay. So gay in fact that it makes male figure skating look like the pinnacle of butch manliness. Come on, ten guys ‘falling’ on top of each other in a supposed attempt to get the ball? Yeah right, it’s just an excuse for a feel, a grope and a fondle. Because really, what are your chances of ever getting a ball in a ten-men pile up? The whole game is just a huge waste of time. Stop touching each other up and do something useful. Homo-eroticism at its best. No wonder it was invented at an all-boys boarding school.

    I have actually shared this with many a kiwi and the look on their faces is priceless. They never made the connection. Can’t say I’m surprised.

    • John Hopoate.
      ‘Nuff said.

      That bit of “sporting knowledge” about rugby, seems to be a taboo.

    • Hahahaha so true.

      I also find that within sport, Kiwis are highly competitive to the point of looking absolutely pathetic. If you don’t play rugby as a bloke or like it, then you’re a ‘soft cock’. Really? Well i have done boxing since the age of 18 but i dont bang on about how ‘tough’ I am and that you’re a weakling if you don’t do it like me.

      The insecurity in NZ is astounding. They mask it through ‘patriotism’. I’ve told my son’s school that if they dare try and make him play rugby there will be trouble. He will play football, not shitty rugby. They can stick rugby right up their arses.

  15. A very well written and true article.

    I thank my lucky stars every day I never made the move, spent a few months there and saw straight through the bullshit, so true about kiwi-wannabes, expat Brits who are desperately trying to be like kiwis, it’s pathetic.

    Notice how they love to slate the UK, to justify there decision to move, “we love Britain, but we’d never go back” that line I heard every fucking day for months.

    I went to watch the Chiefs (rugby) what a fucking bore and waste of $40, such a sad and fake attempt from fans at being passionate, the family I went with who had season tickets, 2 of them didn’t even know the rules of rugby !!!!!!!! It just shows you the fakeness and desperation to fit in, I was going to treat myself to an all blacks shirt, but wasn’t prepared to pay $200.00 when they are $100 (£50) back in the UK, fucking jokers.

    The UK is coming out of recession, people are spending money again, we have our problems but at least they are noticed and trying to be solved.

    Auckland is a joke too, built on a false economy and a very weak $nzd, it will crash in the next 10 years.

    • Haha I hear that all the time as well “We’d never go back but we miss it”. And they get offended and avoid what you just said because they know its bang on. They dont even want to talk about anything from being in England like its somehow a crime!!! They know they made a mistake coming here they are just too lazy to bother anymore. Lazy like the kiwis.

      I’m just got back from another night at work. I’m ready to smash my head into a brick wall and tear my eyeballs out from the stagnant, apathetic, indifferent kwi attitude at work. Look wankers, if you cant have a laugh, some banter and take the piss at work, WHATS THE POINT IN LIVING??? Why do these wastes of space refuse to be anything other than a lifeless boring robot???? I try and have a laugh while doing the poxy mundane job and it just isn’t happening. I find it incredibly frustrating and it makes me want to break something while im there. Yet i get called a miserable twat if i then decide to ignore everybody or have a pissed off look on my face. You cant win either way. As it stands, i say exactly whats on my mind at work and i dont give a flying toss who it offends. “You cant say that” one of them says. Really? And why not? And what are you going to do about it you jobsworth? Grass me up? Twats.

      You’d think id be a heavy drinker to numb the stress and misery i put up with here but i rarely drink if at all. I usually just eff and blind in the car on the way home, eff and blind when i get out, and usually after an hour i might feel better.

  16. Hi Nebula, I am also from UK & been in NZ for 4 years. I totally agree with your comments/observations about New Zealanders.
    They are the retarded & poor cousins to Australians & the rest of the world. New Zealanders are generally ignorant about the rest of the world. They will travel overseas & visit other countries/cultures, but it astounds me that despite their travel experiences they still remain very narrow minded, insular and xenophobic about other countries & cultures. New Zealanders cannot be trusted that is also my experience like yours. They are more than happy to exploit your friendly nature for their own ends, but as you have also found they will not return the favour and will then treat you like a bad person for not letting them exploit you even more!! New Zealanders are in my opinion, a despicable and shallow people. My advice to people from other countries is do visit New Zealand for a nice holiday, but DO NOT emigrate to NZ. I ignored the warnings posted by others on the internet and I like Nebula have learned the hard way, that New Zealanders are on the whole, vile and a miserable nation of island monkeys. Do not be taken in by the fake smiles and superficial friendliness of New Zealanders, it is all acting on their part. They are not to be trusted!

    • Hi Rich! So great to get replies to my post I didn’t think anyone would reply. What brought you to this green desert of doom? And are you planning on leaving soon? I think Kiwis are very sheltered, simple little people with a somewhat identity crisis syndrome. Or they are just completely vague and vacant. It’s like talking to an elephant on smack. You get absolutely nowhere with them. I can’t express how bloody bored I am here. I literally spend every waking day on my own. My son is the only person I see on a regular basis. And its not through a lack of trying as you know from my story. I just gave up as it was like flogging a dead horse. Unfortunately for them, If they get on the wrong side of me they get to know about it immediately. Kiwis think they are tough by ganging up on you, be it verbally or wanting a fight and I just tell them to get on with it, I haven’t got all day, and how would you like to be put into hospital on this fine afternoon? They all shut their mouths and back off when you give it back. They are spineless. Even the ‘tradey’ blokey wannabe tough men think twice when they try it on. They are so stupid, they honestly believe that intimidation works on most people. Its another main reason i stay at home. Imagine going to jail because of one of those genetic throwbacks. Not worth it, at all. I now just laugh in their faces and say “the All Blacks suck” because it really does work hahahaha.Where in the UK are you from? Thanks for replying by the way. Sooo good to talk to other Brits and the like 🙂

  17. Deepest sympathy. All this is true. Know others feel the same and others have been where you are. I know it feels like they just win all the time because they make the little rules in their own crap country, and you’re chained there at their mercy. Have a visitation agreement drawn up before you leave, however, so your son can visit you in your own country and see how great it is. When he completes his schooling, maybe he will come and live with you there. Because there isn’t anything in New Zealand for him. We know that.

    • Hi there. Thanks. I have deliberately wound his mother up several times saying New Zealand is a hell hole and that our son would be better off living in England with me haha. Truth hurts. Even my son, who is half kiwi unfortunately, hates other kiwis. He’s definitely got my personality. He has depth and character and is picked on by the other kids at school because he’s not a clone like them. I refuse to let him play rugby as I told him it was a sport for Kiwi girlies and that he didnt have to play it if he didnt want to just because his school tried to shove it down his throat. He has a best mate that lives next door who loves video games and playing on his bike which is right up his street. The oppressive way in which rugby is pushed onto kids here pisses me off. You’d think it was the only sport in the world. My son is excited to see houses in England because they have stairs in them lol. Hes so used to living in crappy boring bungalows here where the kitchen is basically part of the living room. He’s also talks about riding on a double decker bus in London. If i wasnt here in NZ with him his mother wouldnt do jack with him as shes now fat and lazy.

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