Continuing in our very popular series of Migrant Tales, first hand accounts of the immigrant experience of New Zealand taken from locations around the net.
Today’s Tale is taken from the forum at Expatexposed.com. One of the few (only?) uncensored NZ immigration forums on the net.
It was written by a British woman married to a Kiwi. Together they returned to his homeland to live, unprepared for the hatred his family showed toward her for being a Pom and for the backwards step their children’s education would take.
This is the story of their joy at their return to the UK and will be filed under Migrant Tales in the Life After New Zealand section.
My story since leaving NZ.
Forgive me this moment of self indulgence. I write this as much for therapy as anything else.
We lasted 2 years in NZ – the MOST unhappy, depressing, soul destroying 2 years of my life – I can describe it no other way.
Like everybody, we went out there full of hope and happiness, bouyed up by the promise of a better life in Godzone. It took me about 14 hours (yes literally) to realise we’d made the biggest mistake known to mankind.
I don’t need to go into every detailed incident – just look back over my posts (and indeed the posts of almost everybody else on here) to know what kind of experiences I had.
Needless to say, I hit rock bottom, my depression even went deeper than rock bottom, in fact I’m pretty sure I was close to the centre of the earth at one stage.
Move forward 2 years and we sold up and shipped out. Lost a massive amount of money but managed to get out alive (if only just).
We bought a small house back in UK. Tiny house compared to the one we had before but in a better location. It’s funny how a 3 bedroom semi instantly became a retreat full of calm, kindness and laughter. Within a couple of days of moving in we had several ‘welcome to your new home’ cards popped through the door and even an invitation to a neighbours party. A lady from across the road handed me a list of all the names and numbers of the immediate neighbours because she thought they may come in handy if I found I ‘ever needed anything in an emergency’.
(After 2 years in NZ I didn’t even know what my neighbours looked like – in spite of trying to get to know them).
A few weeks later our shipment arrived and the shipping company delivered it, unpacked it, put it in place and took away the wrappers without trying to say there was a £300 charge from the Min Of Ag & Fish for inspecting it. They were nice chaps too, said ‘welcome home’ and spoke about the ever increasing numbers of returning immigrants they deal with.
My boys got back into a real school, real lessons, real teachers, real books, they wrote with pens and only had PE once a week. They were (and are) educated in the ‘3 Rs’ instead of being ‘life coached’. It took them the best part of a full term to catch up after spending 2 years in what can only be described as a ‘state funded sports club’ that is the NZ education system. Alas 2 years of doing single digit additions and nothing more than the 5 times table took it’s toll and they still struggle with maths, we pay an absolute fortune in private tuition to get them through their maths GCSE’s so yeah I guess NZ is still costing us money. However, both are taking 11 GCSE’s and both are on track to passing them all. They have plans for 6th form and then uni, one wants to study Nautical Science and the other wishes to be a lawyer. Thank God we got them out before it was too late.
My husbands’ family (Kiwis) never accepted me, and once I jumped ship and left them to stew in their own NZ juice their hatred of me deepened to what can only be described as something rather sinister. THIS is what caused (and still causes) me the most upset. My only crime was to be a ‘bloody Pom’. Their treatment of me went way way beyond leg pulling banter. My brother in law would openly snarl that a good Pom was a dead Pom (if you knew the bloke you’d understand how soul destroying and intimidating that was). We were told that (because they used a knife and fork and knew how to sit at a table) our boys would ‘never be real men’. They were told that because they are half Kiwi Half English they would only ever be half decent ….. and yeah, I know which is the decent half.
I was nicknamed the Duchess – but the last laugh was on me because they would always spell it ‘duTchess’. My opinion, exerience and knowledge were dismissed as nothing more than dribble and they succeeded in grinding me down to a paste.
My husband was horrified and ashamed by the way they treated me (he left NZ many years ago and had become rather Anglosized and worldly after nearly 30 years away). We now have very little/almost no contact with his family at all, he has a strained telephone conversation with his mother every 2 – 3 months but that’s it.
This fills me with such sorrow and guilt. I still, after all that has happened, feel that it is my fault things went wrong. Why didn’t I just suck it up? Why didn’t I just take it on the chin? Why didn’t I just rethink all my morals? Why didn’t I just forget all my life expriences? Why didn’t I nod in agreement when they badmouthed my family and my beloved country? Why didn’t I allow myself to be beaten into submission? Why didn’t I allow my entire persona to be obliterated?
This may sound abit melodramatic but these are the feelings I have. 99% of the time I’m great … but that 1% of the time their demons manage to take over and hell … those times are dark.
My husband is great about it all, says that NZ is a small minded pit full of people with ‘little mans syndrome’ – but he also just says ‘move on, forget it’. Of course he’s right, he doesn’t have as many demons as me.
So there …. I feel better already. I just needed to get all that off my chest. We’ve been back 4 years now and life is good …. in fact it’s very good. I just want to say that if you’re wanting to leave then do it – by any means fair or foul, just get out. Life is amazing on the outside … and let’s face it, 1% of demon thoughts is a darn sight better than 100% living it isn’t it?
E2NZ.org 
Chuck, my husband’s Kiwi relations from Christchurch are visiting us right now in Auckland. I’ve known them for years, but I’m always astonished by how openly racist and small minded they are. In the last few days I’ve heard “Bloody Asians” “red Indians” “I hate Catholics” and crazy rants about how the Asians are wrecking the country. Through the years I’ve had to bite my tongue over anti-American comments (I grew up in the US, and am a Catholic). It’s so depressing to hear so many anti this and anti that, but that has been my experience here in New Zealand. It’s not just my husband’s family, either, but it’s esp. depressing to hear it at home.
My husband is ashamed, of course. He’s not like this at all. We both can’t wait to leave, esp. for the sake of our child. He’s especially adamant that our child should not attend school here in New Zealand.
It doesn’t matter where in NZ the author lived, the reaction from her husband’s family would’ve been the same regardless of their location.
Some of the reactions made by Kiwis on this thread (and other similar threads) are fine examples of the animosity and lack of empathy shown towards visitors to New Zealand, perhaps you should read some of them.
E2NZ – I only asked because there are some parts of NZ I wouldn’t live in. There is a very different feel to each NZ city, and the people in each city behave differently. Sorry if my question was irrelevant.
Btw – you shouldn’t even allow posters like ‘Earl’ the benefit of posting on this website, because he is just another horrible, horrible person, which the world is full of. Don’t even let them post.
Share your knowledge Chuck, which parts of New Zealand wouldn’t you live in?
We’ll bear in mind that your experience may be limited and that you presently live in Australia.
I’d live in Christchurch (western) or Wellington, over other cities, and would be hesitant to live in Auckland (which reminds me of Shortland Street) or much of the North Island. I’m sure that there are parts of Auckland that are perfectly fine to live in (if you have money – I’ve stayed in a mansion in Remuera which was fun!) and probably many parts of the North Island I never visited which are also great..The lower part of the South Island is also too cold to make it much fun, especially with the state of insulation in the country. By the way, NZ builders should watch ‘Holmes on Holmes’, a TV program where they fix problems in freezing conditions in Canada, where they show it is very possible to properly insulate houses, so you *always* feel warm, even if it is -10 outside.
I wouldn’t live in large parts of Christchurch, before or after the earthquake, simply because much of the eastern part of the city is rather depressing, and we now know it’s prone to liquifaction anyway (although the smart money always suspected it, I think, as the more wealthy areas were built further away from the sea/estuary). But Christchurch still has (hopefully) a very English/civilised feel to the place, which I enjoyed.
Wellington has a great atmosphere to it, and would also be a great place to live, assuming you can find a house that can withstand a major earthquake.
I guess it is the people you know, in any city, that really determine whether you love or hate the place.
I think pretty much any part of New Zealand is too cold to feel comfortable inside, considering the appalling state of housing here. No amount of money would make New Zealand more appealling to us, and we can say this with experience as my husband makes rather a good living here in Auckland. There is a reason there’s a brain drain. Even many well paid professionals leave.
As for Christchurch having a civilized feel – I’ve been there many times, and I can say that way too many people there look rather feral. It’s much too shabby (I’m talking pre-earthquake) – civilized is just not what comes to mind. But you’re right, it’s the people you know that makes you like a place, and you’re a Kiwi, and this is your home, this is where your family are from, where you made friends, where you have your formative memories. You must understand that for us immigrants, we don’t have that connection, and what makes New Zealand appealling to you does not apply to us.
Christchurch was hell for a university residential assistant there that I know.
Mr. S, kept telling me how he was racially abused and hated the place, while saying that New Zealand was completely fabulous and there was no racism whatsoever.
Yes, I’m aware that makes him sound like a lunatic. But that is what he told me … he still misses the place too! But won’t go back eventhough he is a permanent resident …
Which part of NZ were you living in?
I grew up in Christchurch, and never encountered such offensive behaviour as exhibited by your family. To be honest, your husband’s family sound like really horrible people.
If there was one thing I’d change about NZ is to make neighbours a little bit more friendly to eachother, although my parents knew their neighbours quite well. Australia (where I live now) seems to be lot worse than NZ in terms of neighbourly friendliness, and perhaps you just got lucky where you resettled in the UK?
Peace out Earl, whatever happened to the ‘friendly Kiwi’ stereotype?
Im glad that people like you bugger off back to your blackhole. We dont want ya here anyway. If the dirty boody poms didnt invade in the first place and fuck the shit out of our people there wouldn’t be so much hostility towards you lot. BTW Academics is not the only type of intelligence. And be pissed of at your husbands family, and perhaps your childrens teachers – not our beautiful country and our beautiful people.
It IS a sports club. The “sports and outdoor activities as magic pill” theory is applied with vigour throughout the country. This Migrant Tale author is absolutely correct.
They are very rah-rah about New Zealand in the schools. They have an extreme local focus. I never saw this level of patriotism where I came from, an area globally known for its high level of national pride.
They also have the approach that children will pick up things on their own, and there is no such thing as a delay, deficit or handicap. They avoid stigmatising with labels, but when they do this, they put blinkers on about children who are struggling. I have seen children with disabilities such as dyslexia being entirely ignored “because we are all different”. Guv thum a chance! There is no funding to help any but the ones with very serious problems, I believe, so they just pretend the problems do not exist. Bless the volunteers, is all I can say.
Drugs. Cannabis is everywhere. Very casual, overt usage by students. My teens witnessed much winking between students and teachers about it. Half of the teachers no doubt use it themselves. “Nothing wrong with it!” The students chatted loudly in class. I would not call them quiet classrooms.
We cannot take the next airplane out. However, I wait in full expectation that my children, as well, will have to play catch-up once we are able to return home.
Funny that you criticise our education system here in Aotearoa , its actually one of the best education systems in the world, dont belive me , google it . You mention you suffer from depression , then maybe thats what your problem is not our country , i hope that bleak , overcrowded , cold island is better for you then , personally living there would depress the hell out of me , theres no nature there you see.
Normally we don’t publish abusive posts on the blog because it lowers the tone.
Occasionally we do let one or two see the light of day when we think they are a typical example of the one -eyed xenophobia and small mindedness that is directed at immigrants in New Zealand.
If the author received a similar level of hatred from her husband’s family to which which you have shown it’s little wonder that both she and her husband found it intolerable in New Zealand and are loving it back in Britain. Which incidentally does have ‘nature’ as the photo above shows.
Readers interested in finding out more about the educational standards in New Zealand may like to avoid wading through Google (which unfortunately does not have a propaganda filter 🙂 ) and go directly to our Education and Children Facts and Stats Page: https://emigratetonewzealand.wordpress.com/nz-facts-stats/children-and-youth/
Here is an excerpt from the Education sub-section (for the link for each item refer back to the facts and stats page)
Last year only 54.7% of year 13 students left school with NCEA level 3. Level 3 is designed to prepare students for tertiary study. The previous year 74.3% of pupils passed level 3, 66% of year 11 pupils attained level 1 and about 68% of year 12 pupils passed level 2.
Young New Zealanders are being failed by the education system with half of school leavers lacking essential literacy skills, said a prominent education professor. Massey University’s College of Education Pro Vice-Chancellor, James Chapman, said “About half of these young adults aren’t performing at the minimum level needed to function properly in all aspects of life – work, family and community.” An international adult literacy survey five years ago showed minimal improvements over a similar survey a decade earlier, about 45% of New Zealand adults lacked essential reading and writing skills.
“Judy Kraidy lost her job teaching foreign students because she refused to pass those who didn’t learn anything.” The teacher “was replaced when she failed 20 out of the 24 Chinese students in her accountancy class.”
The government has been branded cheapskates for relying on money from international students to prop-up the tertiary sector. “New Zealanders are knocking on universities’ doors and having them closed in their faces”.
“International students are worth $2 billion annually to the economy. “If you want to put it crudely, they are seen only as cash cows,” said Professor Manying Ip, a professor of Asian studies at Auckland University.”
Labour’s Chinese community affairs spokesman, Raymond Huo, says bad experiences at language schools are making many international students look elsewhere to continue their education. As a result, New Zealand is gaining a reputation overseas for providing “ghetto education”, he says. Mr Huo will be introducing a member’s bill which would require PTEs (private training establishments) to belong to an organisation with high professional and ethical standards.” source Stuff
The NZ Human Rights Commission has identified significant human rights issues in relation to violence in New Zealand Schools.
*Catherine Woulfe, a journalist, fought for over a year to get the Teachers Council to release information under the Official Information Act about the number of self confessed, convicted criminals who were teaching children in New Zealand. Ultimately she resorted to the Ombudsman to get the requested information released. To read the story the Teachers Council did not want told see “Criminals in our classrooms” in the Sunday Star Times.
Five teachers disciplined for offences ranging from sex with students to watching porn in a classroom have had their identities protected as calls to “name and shame” grow. The rulings prompted fresh calls for an end to the secret nature of the Teachers’ Council.
A pre-school in West Auckland has been forced to give a teacher glowing references even though she was accused of abusing young children in her care. Because of the age of the children and their reliability as witnesses police decided only to give her a formal caution and not prosecute the woman. As part of her terms of severence the head teacher is not allowed to reveal anything about the woman’s abusive behaviour, both the name of the school and the teacher have been banned from pulication.
*In the last two years, 58 teachers in NZ have admitted that they have criminal convictions for offences that are punishable by a sentence of more than three months. According to a report in the Sunday News in August 2010 – “Despite the admissions, those who retained or were granted teachers registration included ones convicted of: Indecent assault against a teenage girl, assault with a blunt instrument and male assaults female, possession of an objectionable publication but is awaiting sentence, threatening to kill and assault on a woman, Grievous bodily harm with reckless disregard. A district court judge has also ordered the teachers council to reconsider a primary teacher it banned after she verbally threatened children in class.” Approx. 60% of the convictions were for drink driving, among the rest are.
A teacher convicted of indecent assault against a teenage girl aged 14-16, in 2006. Sentenced to 200 hours’ community work last year, he has full registration, subject to conditions.
A male convicted of assault with a blunt instrument and male assaults female. He was fined $2000 and sentenced to 100 hours’ community work and also maintained full registration.
A male teacher convicted of possession of an objectionable publication is yet to be sentenced. He has full registration.
A teacher who was convicted of threatening to kill, and male assaults female, and sentenced to 300 hours’ community work and six months’ supervision, was granted registration but his practising certificate is pending.
A female convicted of grievous bodily harm with reckless disregard, and wounding with reckless disregard in 2008 was registered, but her practising certificate is also pending. Source Sunday Star Times
Some teachers fought back by claiming there are many more students than teachers who are criminals – “There are students with grievous bodily harm, attempted rape, drugs and driving charges in our midst,” a high school teacher said. Some of these students brought drugs and alcohol to school, verbally abused, threatened and physically assaulted teachers. They questioned how many other professionals had been stabbed in their offices, or at work. Two teachers were stabbed by students in class, a teacher in Te Puke and one in Auckland, in the past 18 months.” Source Sunday Star Times
“Complacency and an underestimation of risks” contributed to a canyoning tragedy that killed 6 high school students and their teacher.
A 5 year old girl was nearly strangled by a rope that had been attached to a slide at Ngahina Kindergarten in Paraparaumu. “It’s one of those things that happens in an early childhood environment.” a staff member allegedly said. The mother is asking how, if her child was supervised, she ended up hanging from the slide by a rope. The children had been taking part in a reverse abseiling activity on the slide, using a rope, according to a report in the Dominion Post.
Funding for Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) has been slashed by the present government. In the 2009 budget, funding for GATE was slashed to almost half of the $2.82 million previously allocated. In 2010 it was cut further to $1.27m. Schools need help to give their gifted students the best possible education. “Often schools focus on their area of deficit. You develop the strength of a child and there’s that old adage that success breeds success.”
20% of young New Zealanders leave school without adequate literacy and numeracy skills. “For the last 20 to 30 years there has been no national standards in New Zealand, and one in five young New Zealanders are unable to read and write properly.”John Key, educated in NZ.
66% of students entering high school aren’t numerate.
The high school qualification is the NCEA. Every year a sample of internally assessed work is submitted for external assessment. In 2009, 24% of the work was judged to have been marked too highly. The Education Minister Anne Tolley has demanded to know why. In 2008 27.5% of re-marked work was found to have been marked too ‘generously’. The findings will bring the recently introduced NCEA (which is unique to NZ) into further disrepute.
The education ministry is one of the worst-performing government departments, according to a report card ranking state agencies and bosses. The report found excessive red tape, bureaucratic systems and ineffective consultation are hampering government departments. The Education Ministry came bottom of the rankings for overall performance, chief executive performance, and quality of service. It was called “ineffective and too politically correct”, as it played a “piggy in the middle” role in the introduction of national standards.
Chairman of the Northland Secondary School Principals’ Association and Dargaville High School principal David Bargh said he believed some parents of school children in Northland were only in their 30s and struggling. They were part of a third generation of parents who had had no constructive role models of parenting and were part of a “multigeneration on benefits”. They did not know how to get a job or manage their own lives, let alone their kids’ lives.
Labour says a government cut in early childhood funding will add $25 a week to the childcare bill of tens of thousands of parents. Labour leader Phil Goff said it would cancel out any gains from tax cuts (May 2010)
A Rotorua school principal and president of the Secondary Principals’ Association of New Zealand thinks it would be ‘nice’ to have police officers based in schools, as it could curb youth violence. Some schools in South Auckland and Hamilton already have a permanent police presence.
Arson in schools amounts to $3.2 million a year. The problem is so bad that the fire service has called for sprinklers to be installed in all schools. However, the lower decile schools can’t afford them.
School vandalism costs $10 million a year, money that would otherwise be spent on educating children. The damage consists mostly of smashed windows, graffiti and break-ins. The worst hit school is Auckland’s Papakura High School where $262,000 was spent on cleaning up and or repairing vandalism.
The average university student’s debt is $16,000 and loans must start to be repaid as soon the borrower reaches a salary of least $19,084. Those who leave the country to avoid making repayments are charged charged interest at 6.8 % PA after six months away. It’s one reason why many graduates don’t return home.
So that’s why many go overseas even if it is for the low-paying jobs and overstay.
Of course, few people expect an overstayer to be either white or maori.
That says a lot about racialised impressions of what constitutes a person who overstays.
Situations such as this would not occur unless there is a very widespread occurrence of the “pedigree” of a persons’ education leading to them having a job … i.e. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know or studied with”
Evidently, parents are in on the game.
Of course, new migrants and the newly-moved-in are at a disadvantage when this type of chicanery happens:
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10759864
Mum’s STD slur against rival pupil
5:30 AM Tuesday Oct 18, 2011
Otago Daily Times
The parent of the would-be boarder admits attack on girl’s reputation.
A woman has admitted making calls claiming to be a sexual health worker in a bid to damage the reputation of a girl who was a rival to her daughter’s bid to study at two elite colleges.
The Queenstown 53-year-old appeared visibly shaken when she appeared on two charges in the Queenstown District Court yesterday.
Sergeant Ian Collin said the defendant applied to St Hilda’s Collegiate School and Columba College, both in Dunedin, in May for her daughter to be accepted next year.
“There is a very high demand for limited places at the schools and a board makes a final decision” on candidates towards the end of the year, Mr Collin told Judge Kevin Phillips.
The mother was aware another Queenstown teenager was also applying for entry to the schools, he said.
“In an effort to have her daughter accepted ahead of the other student, the defendant made the fictitious phone calls to both St Hilda’s and Columba College concerning the other student’s behaviour and that of her parents,” he said.
The defendant called St Hilda’s principal Melissa Bell and claimed to be “Anne-Marie Thompson”, a sexual health worker based in the Oxford Clinic in Invercargill. She said one of the boarders needed support with treatment. She then said she had made a mistake and Ms Bell was the contact for next year. The mother went on to name the prospective pupil.
About 30 minutes later, she called Columba College boarding director Richelle Manson and identified herself as “Anne-Marie Thompson”, a nurse at the Queenstown Medical Centre.
She said she had to make an appointment for the prospective pupil, and named her.
She called the college again at 4.30pm, when she knew Ms Manson had finished for the day. She told staff member Glenys McDowell the prospective pupil “had a sexually transmitted disease and that she was in a lesbian relationship with another girl”.
All of the people phoned became suspicious. They found nobody named “Anne-Marie Thompson” working in either the clinic or the centre.
When police spoke to the defendant, she refused to make a statement and answered “no comment” to all questions, Mr Collin told the court.
Judge Phillips ordered a pre-sentencing report. “A psychiatric report will be of assistance.”
The woman faced two charges of using a telephone for a fictitious purpose, which has a penalty of three months’ imprisonment or a $2000 fine.
She is on bail until next month.
One of the best in the world?! LOL! keep dreaming. World famous….in NZ 😛
I know of some kids that were considered mediocre in their original countries, then they moved here and were the brightest academic stars, with such competition who couldn’t? but I pity them as if they too “kiwianised” they will be unable to compete with their peers if they decide to go back.
What does this tell you?
And the unis keep falling in ranking.
Cold? at least not inside the bedroom and toilet, unlike NZ…
It would depend on what qualifications they gained. Polytechnics are not in the same league as universities.
When it comes to mathematics and software development – the graduation rate is 10%.
Of course, social sciences degrees are awarded willy-nilly.
One could easily say that the level of difficulty between attaining the two types of degrees, varies.
Loved reading that! we were in NZ for 11 months and moved back to UK 4 months ago and it was the best thing we ever did moving back!ike you we are still paying the price and will be for long time financially but have no regrets about coming back! Gemma Jones