Migrants Tales – More from Ex-CIB Officer


Alps Germany

Don’t let NZ’s scenery blind you to it’s harsh realities and mean spiritedness, other countries also do beauty but without the beasts. The Berchtesgaden Alps, Germany.

Welcome to our popular Migrant Tales series – first hand accounts of the migrant experience of New Zealand.

Here’s another tale from the ex-CIB officer. This one is about a computer training course and Christchurch

“So…after some wonderful feedback and encouragement from you, I would like to contribute further to this great site, this time I would like to share my experience wih tertiary education in the vast well of ignorance which is NZ.

As we all know NZ likes to take advantage of unwitting foreign students and parents alike, claiming world class facilities coupled with amazing lifestyle to give those with enough money the chance to advance themselves and obtain qualifications that will allow them to be competitive anywhere in the world… What an utter load of codswallop.

After suffering through high school (please refer to my first contribution for some examples of the horror that is NZ schooling), I took some well intended advice and applied to attend a course in Electronic Multimedia.

All I needed to do was apply for my student allowance and then of course the infamous student loan, a $10000 millstone tied to my neck, haunting me for years to follow.
I moved to Christchurch with my then girlfriend and three cats in tow and settled into a new beginning.

I had applied with a private training institute called Carich Computer Training. A small company founded by a Maori couple, Caron and Richard Taurima, they were lauded for being innovative and inspiring with Caron winning the Ernst and Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year award not to mention all the other hype they would recieve, particularly from the Maori corner because… when a Maori actually achieves anything in life (other than a criminal record) it becomes quite a newsworthy event.. Suffice to say, with credentials like that, what could go wrong? Those of you familiar with this site will all be leaning closer to their screens thinking, here we go… sock it to me baby!

I can’t say that doing this course with this company was the worst decision of my life, that dubious honour belongs to my decision to live in NZ… but it was a decision I regretted for a long time.

So, being a reasonably talented artist and possessing a vocabulary that consists of more than just single syllable utterances, I thought doing this course would stand me in good stead. Upon completion, I would aquire national certificates one and two in electronic multimedia, giving me proficiency in programmes such as Adobe photoshop, freehand, dreamweaver, 3D Max and an understanding of web development yada yada yada.

Well the first week started with a whizz and a bang with the course co-ordinator apologising for the fact that our first week we would be doing nothing as they were having issues with acquiring a suitable teacher to take us… Alarm bells should have been ringing from day one. After failing to obtain said teacher, the course coordinator deigned to share his limited knowledge of Freehand with the already unimpressed class.

Next came the Photoshop segment and of our course Carich really went to great lengths to ensure excellence with this teacher. His name was Keri and he bore a striking resemblence to the company owner so I would hazard a guess and suggest he was a cuzzy bro or something. He openly admitted that he had absolutely no credentials in relation to the software or teaching for that matter and had gained his vast knowledge from tinkering around altering naked photos of his ex-wife. To him this was a great joke and he relished showing the class these aformentioned naked photo’s of not only his ex-wife but other conquests foolish enough to allow him to photograph them naked. This was turning out to be a wonderful way to spend $10K of my yet to be hard earned money not to mention interest… *sigh

So.. then came the Dreamweaver segment, and at least this teacher was qualified, and he was a very nice man, I can’t remember his name but a very lovely nature, unfortunately he was Chinese and his English was absolutely deplorable. Try as hard as you might, he was impossible to understand so each and every segment became increasingly frustrating. The final segment, 3D Max was taken once again by the course coordinator but after the previous tutors, we were just relieved to get someone we could understand who performed with some modicum of professionalism!

As you can imagine, our class collectively had become quite fed up with this joke. Really. We were coming to the end of the course and were hit with a real punch to the guts. With only weeks left, Carich were asking for a $500 administration fee as there had been (apparently) some sort of oversight in the initial fee provided and our certificates would be withheld until the fee was paid in full. I refused to be held to ransom and to this day, have not paid a single further cent, in fact I felt a refund was in order… That $500 fee soon made sense when Carich made national headlines again, not for being amazing super Maori’s but because their sorry excuse for a company was going into recievership… Yay! Karma wins again…

I didn’t intend on this entry being a long one but let me take the chance to tell you a little bit about Christchurch while I’m at it. Firstly, part of the reason I didn’t pay that surprise fee was because I was so bloody poor! I was on the bones of my arse. So much so that I had to go to the city mission to get food to survive. I lived in Pines Beach at the time situated some 26 KM from the city centre. I did have a small scooter I had bought from a father and son who appeared trustworthy at the time, lo and behold they sold me a lemon and the motor shat itself after a week and they were never to be heard from ever again. So I had to ride my bicycle some 52 km every day, wind, rain, hail and on some occasions with two weeks of groceries obtained from the city mission hanging precariously from my handle bars, the odd tin of tomatoes or beans escaping en route. I can tell you it’s a degrading experience waiting in cue with homeless drunkards and dead beat maori’s for donated food… But certainly character building…

Christchurch is a weird place, foreigners are despised in New Zealand but in Christchurch, they are at least held in higher regard than Aucklanders. In fact this is a sentiment shared by everyone who doesn’t hail from Auckland where they are called JAFA’s… (Just Another Fucking Aucklander). Australians are even held in higher regard than Aucklanders!!!
I learned this very quickly so when asked where I came from, I would always say I was Australian, my girlfriend however didn’t have such luxury so no matter how hard she tried, for that entire year, she could not find a job and believe me, you would never have found a more honest, hard working friendly person. It didn’t take long for her to become depressed, thankfully she found a way to distract herself from the misery of day to day life by volunteering at a nearby animal shelter.

There isn’t such a large Maori/Pacific Islander population in Christchurch yet the Mongrel Mob and Blackpower gangs are still very strongly represented. After getting fed up with riding my bike to Pines Beach every day, we ended up moving to a street just off Linwood Avenue. We soon discovered we were now living around the corner from a Mongrel Mob pad (gang house) which was heavily fortified with 3 meter high fencing and believe it or not, sentries posted as look outs, partially looking out for enemies (Police/rival gangs) but more importantly to sell drugs through a small hole situated down one side. So at all times of the day and night there were all sorts of scum bags and filth hanging around. Very intimidating.

Skin heads and neo nazis have a large presence in Christchurch so daily existence with these shining examples of humankind make for interesting experiences.

Christchurch itself was once a pretty town until the earthquake struck. I was a Police Officer in South Auckland at the time and I was part of a group of emergency responders sent down to assist the stricken city to guard and cordon the city centre to prevent looting and provide support. Who knew that there would be looters amongst us dressed in uniform. It was very disapointing to learn that whilst there, certain uniformed individuals were stealing sunglasses and other sundries from the ruined stores during the night shift. There was one occasion where a Police officer thought it would be funny to take a blow up sex doll from one of the stores and place it in the driving seat of an unattended fire truck. This was amongst the ruin and rubble of this city and the smell of death still pungent in the air… Such reverence!!! This typifies the maturity and sensibility of your typical kiwi.

Another example of the kiwi attitude was their reluctance to rebuild the fallen landarks that made that city famous. Case in point, the Cathedral. A majestic building heavily damaged in the Earthquake. The resounding attitude was… Naaaaaahhhh, fuckit… too difficult, too expensive, lets just make a cardboard church instead, she’ll be right mate!!! (for those with knickers twisting in their office chairs, I am being flippant and I am aware the cardboard church was always only meant as a temporary measure), but that magnificent church will never stand again. Let me share a German example for comparison, in the town I live in now, 80% of the city was demolished in the second world war. When the war finished, the woman rolled up their sleeves and rebuilt this town stone by stone! Just think about that. It would be a cold dark day in hell before a kiwi dedicates their time, energy and resources to something for which they wouldn’t gain from financially.

So in summary, you want to get a world class education for yourself or your children, for heavens sake stay away from NZ.”


Migrant Tales – The Ex-CIB officers Tale

19 thoughts on “Migrants Tales – More from Ex-CIB Officer

  1. I totally empathise with the author. I attended a course at carich. never got me a job and one of my certificates had a spelling error with an ink pen fix up. probs wasted their money on living the high life. Surprised you didnt complain about pines beach though. A small village over run with red necks. Lol.

  2. It is funny that you should compare the rebuilding of a German town after World War II to the so-called rebuild in Christchurch. Three years after Germany lay in ruins, German economic output in 1948 exceeded what it was in 1939. Similarly, the Japanese rebuilt an entire country ruined by war within a short span of time.

    If we contrast the foregoing examples to Christchurch, we find large swathes of the city in a dilapidated state. The Kiwis cannot even tear down buildings properly to replace them with something good. As someone once said, it is not that it cannot be done, it is that stupid, arrogant, and incompetent Kiwis cannot do it.

    • Christchurch is a complex situation. My biggest gripe is that some people have made some very easy money while others are suffering. Fletchers appeared to run a sort of pyramid scheme in there with various intermediaries taking their cut, not leaving much for the guys who have to go in there and do the actual work. Somewhere along the line offshore insurance companies have spotted the rort and turned off the cashflow. AMI and the EQC were basically bankrupt a few days after the Quakes and the NZ Government and NZ Taxpayers have had to pick up the bills. The NZ Government have had to fund this without raising taxes (political ideology) so I hate to think what services have been cut. As a consequence the time frame has grown and grown. I suspect one day we will see some very big fraud trials coming out of Christchurch.

        • In Christchurch people talk about “the new millionaires”. These are people who have made a fortune out of the quakes. This money came from the Government and Insurance companies so the rest of us are picking up the bill for their good fortune and 5 years later people are still living in a disaster zone. It doesn’t smell right.

  3. I was born in New Zealand to English parents, and can fairly say that the New Zealand education system is shockingly bad at every level. Going through the system from primary school to post-graduate, I encountered serious problems every step of the way. In fact, dealing with the issue was more challenging than the schoolwork.

    At primary school I was bullied heavily. Being raised by English parents a focus was put on teaching me to read before I even got to school. This resulted in me being far ahead of Kiwi students. I immediately skipped a year due to how much I had been taught. I was so far ahead I was in my own reading group, isolated from everyone else, because I was the only five year old capable of reading Little Golden Books. Over the years little changed. One of the teachers took an intense dislike to me and was openly unpleasant. The peak of this was me getting strapped six times on each hand at age 7. This resulted in the teacher being investigated by the school for child abuse. Despite this, similar treatment continued right through primary school, where I was regularly strapped by teachers, and bullied by fellow children. They used to yell at me that I was nothing more than a winging pom (Remember I was BORN in New Zealand). My parents had no idea what was going on and the severity of it, until I refused to go to school. That’s when I started fighting back, and the teachers finally did something about the bullying (mostly because they had no choice).

    At high school I was put in a class with other kids who were ahead in their schoolwork. The school only did this for a few years, before PARENTS demanded that the school spread the more capable students into standard classes. This is typical of the attitude toward more capable individuals that New Zealand has.

    I tried many times to get a tertiary education, meeting with a mix of fraud, incompetence, embezzling and outright misrepresentation. The first course I went on was a Scuba Diving course in Christchurch, which I was told would allow me to make $80,000 per year in the adventure tourism industry. What they didn’t say was that they counted the value of scuba trips in the wages. So, if I was working as a tour guide and took a couple on a $400 scuba trip as an employee, the $400 value was counted as part of my yearly earnings despite the fact that I would only be making an hourly wage at $13 per hour (minimum wage). Upon investigation the $80,000 per year diminished to $20,000, with the expectation of spending $5,000 on scuba gear per year. In other words the yearly earnings was a paltry $15,000, not $80,000 as I was told. If that wasn’t bad enough, the course organisers had the nerve to say that only average fitness was required, while the real level needed to pass was that of a full time athlete. I failed the course on the fitness level alone, as there was no way I was ever going to meet the requirements. The cause providers would have known that from the start (based on my size alone). If they had been honest, I would have never enrolled. I lost $7,500 as a result of that course.

    The second time I tried to get an education I decided I would be far more cautious. I enrolled in a short course, with the view to a longer one, IF the course provider proved they were capable. Realising that adventure tourism was not very suitable for me, I enrolled in a graphic design course, where we were to learn how to use software like photoshop and similar titles. Within a short time I quickly discovered that they didn’t have teachers who knew what they were talking about. Their idea of teaching was to hand a booklet to students with a series of exercises in it, and let students work through it. I ended up doing most of the “course” but left before it finished due to getting a job in the retail industry. I don’t regret the decision, as this job lasted for around 3 years, and was a lot more valuable than a rather pathetic course. Of course, I didn’t follow through with the larger 3 year course through the same provider, as they had proven that they were not worth bothering with. Cost to me $1200.

    The third and fourth times I tried to get an education I had to cancel my plans before the student year got started. These were attempts at studying a degree by correspondence. I quickly found out that in New Zealand, if you announce what you are going to do, even to friends and family, you will suddenly get backstabbed. With personal circumstances that changed, I am thankful that I didn’t attempt to get started with studies until my situation changed, as I already had a $9,000 plus loan (when all the added on charges were taken into account), and no qualifications.

    The fifth time I tried to get an education I enrolled on a course run by a polytech in Wellington. This was intended to be a three year degree, but was structured so I could exit on any year, and still get a qualification. I started the first year, was bullied by students, and decided to complete the rest of the year at home with minimum on site visits. The second year was almost all by correspondence, but the third year turned out to be a repeat of the second year, with only minor alterations. I decided to exit after the second year. The course provider initially refused to give me the the qualification I had earned for both years, until I threatened to report them for fraud. Little did I know at the time, but they were being investigated by the police for embezzlement, until it hit the papers two days later. They relented and gave me the qualifications I had earned. Total cost, around $14,000, but at least I got two qualifications out of it.

    Realising that I still wanted to get a degree, I bounced back and continued, this time at university, where over the next three years I earned a Bachelors Degree, and a concurrent certificate. However, the university decided to cease providing printed course materials in the last year, despite continuing to increase the fees. This to me was unethical, and blatantly fraudulent, as they were still charging the students, but no longer providing what was paid for. If this wasn’t bad enough, they made the changes AFTER course fees had been paid. Getting in contact with the university, I soon found out that the Vice Chancellor was an ex education minister, revealing the type of corruption that is rife in New Zealand. After getting a reply to my complaint that was nothing more than a list of lame excuses, I did seriously consider taking my education elsewhere, but I didn’t want to have another situation of not finishing what I started. Total cost, around $20,000.

    I then followed this up with a post graduate diploma (cost $7,500), which I finished in 2015. The total cost of my education was just over $50,000.

    Would I recommend to anyone to get a tertiary education in New Zealand? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Over half of my student loan is the direct consequence of dishonesty, incompetence and fraud from course providers, and decisions made with either false or incomplete information. I have seriously considered legal action as a result.

    • Ahhh yes the infamous scuba courses. I found myself being quite baffled as a cop when a very high proportion of young rat bags I was dealing with were all attending scuba diving courses. I questioned a few of them on their decision to do this course and how they found it, partially out of curiosity as to why so many of these 16 to 19 year old kids with dubious upbringings were getting involved in this type of potential career option. Part of me was also curious because scuba is something I’ve wanted to do all my life but of course could never afford to do. It soon became clear that these kids were also being duped by the glamour and excitement of the adventure tourism industry and were being used solely to part with their student loans. Another shining example of how these institutions are exhibiting greed and amoral motivation. Seriously, how many scuba instructors can you need in a country as small and cold as NZ? How many of these overweight, illiterate and clearly criminally inclined kids think they could get a job in the world of beautiful people and their tourism industry. These companies just take the money and wait for natural attrition to take its course. Rarely will they show concern for the welfare and future prospects of these kids.
      To highlight more kiwi ignorance, my German girlfriend just shared some of her experience. One of her colleagues, 21 years old couldn’t she he on the map where the UK was, she couldn’t even find Europe so ended up suggesting China was Europe. So my GF pointed the UK on the map to which she replied, “oh yeah it’s the boot!” To which my GF incredulously replied “ummmm I think you are confusing that with Italy”, her response, “no no no it’s the second boot!!” My GF tried to reassure her that no, the boot is in fact Italy and with typical stubborn ignorance of the kiwi attitude she replied “no it’s definitely the second boot, that’s how we learned it at school!!!” Coming from the girl who couldn’t Europe let alone England.
      Another colleague of my Girlfriend had a very serious question to ask…
      “So…. Do you guys in Germany actually speak German?” Jesus H fucking Christ are these people serious?
      Final example of Kiwi dullardry, my GF’s first boss would constantly distract my German girlfriend with requests to spell simple words, it was five years ago so I can’t give an example but she had to mock him for asking a German how to spell words in his native tongue…
      Well done NZ for breeding generation after generation of ever increasing stupidity. And you all wonder why foreigners are “stealing” all the good jobs eh…

      • 🙂 it makes me laugh, not once I was asked the serious question, can I read and write , because I am from Europe – other than Britain ( hahaha how the hell they think you are learning other language, anyway it’s funny). I am reading your stories JDP and I admire you for not giving up. I think not many people would have strength to get out of situations you have been in, and not lose the mind.

        • Thank you so much JASG, I have been reading your posts as well and I too admire and commend you for your strength and I rejoice that you escaped “DUH- tearoha”. I could see you in my minds eye in the situations you were describing and I could just imagine the terror and regret you were suffering. It could have been so easy for you to let these people bully you into submission and convince you to settle for their standard of life… You clearly have amazing strength!!

      • I was about 27 years old when I started the Scuba course. At the time I was looking for a serious change of direction, and to get my career on track. Scuba was something I was interested in, so it seemed to make sense to train in this area. Little did I know at the time that tertiary education in New Zealand is essentially a bait and switch scam. Education providers get students onto their courses with all kinds of promises, give them two weeks to change their mind after the course starts, but then present the course very differently for those first two weeks. After that, the real course begins, when it is too late for students to leave and get a full refund. Despite this, 60% of students DO abandon their courses after this time, and do not receive a full refund. This means that the vast majority of student debt in New Zealand is nothing more than course fees for courses never finished, that were DESIGNED to get the students to quit from the start. It’s important to understand that tertiary education in New Zealand is a business first and foremost, but that once providers have their money, they do not care at all about providing the paid for education; they actually WANT students to quit in most cases.

      • I found this ignorance rather insufferable and omnipresent. Kiwis often talked ad infinitum about the strength of their education system, yet I often encountered official documents containing flagrant spelling and grammar errors. Many Kiwis openly expressed hostility towards and criticised the English of those who did not speak it as a native language without the Kiwis realising how ineptly they spoke their own language.

        I know three languages (English, Spanish, and German) fluently, but somehow this was not an asset in the Kiwi tourist industry. Local knowledge about the inbred bogans was the foremost criteria about which employers cared. Of course, we all know that “local knowledge” is really a way of rationalising and excusing the inexcusable racism and short-sightedness of Kiwi employers.

      • Funny you mention about foreigners stealing jobs. I got countless jibes during my time in NZ about how Indians were taking all the jobs. Even tho most of these ,were jobs which “kiwis” thought were beneath them eg -Gas stations,Supermarkets .
        Glad to be out of the most expensive and tall poppy syndrome country on this planet is all I can say. Will write my experience shortly. A decade there has given me some interesting life experiences of my own .

    • Regarding your being bullied at school. I am probably talking rubbish but I have noticed that my children are always outsiders at their schools and there always seems to be a network of strong families that are all related or socialise together and if you aren’t in that network you are on the outer.

      • George, you are not talking rubbish at all, what you have noticed is probably only the tip of the iceberg. If you talk to you your children you will probably find they are being subjected to torture and torment and they isolate themselves for self protection. Once you have got to know a few Kiwi’s you will understand their mentality, they are all related to each other in some way or another, either a cuz, or a bro, or a cuzzy bro… Generations of incestial inbreeding, (I would suggest bestiality), has created this clique mentality that try as hard as you might, you will never break into… And in all honesty once you learn how malicious and cancerous these small minded bigots are, you will not want to. If you want to make friends in NZ, find some ex-pats and start your own I hate kiwis club. As for your children, if you insist on staying in NZ, then expect some rocky years ahead of emotional torment, but at least your children will learn to “harden up”… thats providing they survive, and no I am not being melodramatic.

  4. Hi ex CIB officer, your description of living in New Zealand & with New Zealanders is absolutely right. I have lived here in NZ for a number of years, coming from the UK originally. Soon to return to UK & escaping the souless & depressing country & people of New Zealand. DO NOT EMIGRATE TO NEW ZEALAND!! Holiday in NZ yes, emigrate to New Zealand no way! New Zealand has been described as one big village & yes I fully agree with this assessment. SIimilar to a living in a very rural & isolated village. New Zealand is largely populated by inbred, narrow minded & parochial throwbacks to another time & place. If you value your sanity & self respect Do Not live in any rural area of NZ. New Zealanders living in rural NZ which is most of NZ are superficially open & friendly. Do not be fooled by this initial impression. They are largely, people who like to exploit & use others. Especially new imigrants, to New Zealand. Do yourself a big favour, stay away from New Zealand The scenery in NZ is no better than can be found elsewhere in Europe or the World! The New Zealand government are old masters in conning niave immigrants to settle in the redneck rear end of the world!

    • Hi Rich, Thanks for your reply but may I say respectfully that I would not advise anyone on this planet to holiday in NZ. There is nothing special or unique enough in that country to warrant spending firstly the amount of time and discomfort required flying there, and secondly the small fortune for A: the initial flights and B: getting robbed blind by greedy unscrupulous and amoral buisnesses. Furthermore, criminals are ever increasingly targeting tourists as they are seen as soft targets with considerable wealth who often fail to report petty crime due to the sense of pointlessness. The Police often reflect this sense of pointlessness themselves when dealing with tourists reporting crimes because they know they will not be in the country long enough to take anything to trial, regardless of the ineffectual punishment doled out by the courts. Having worked in the Police for 8 years I can personally attest to the lazy and unproffessional attitude of many of the boys in blue. My next chapter on E2NZ will highlight in detail some of these attitudes experienced whilst working in the NZ Police.

      • Police are largely N.Zers so it makes sense that they would also act like the village people however I really look forward to your point of view on this topic ,how can such a small country have so many police officers and so much crime ? Why are traffic infractions so over prosecuted while community crime goes unnoticed , I think I know the answers but would really appreciate your inclusion of these topics,Thanks

        • WRT speeding being prosecuted whilst community crime being ignored:

          It’s quite simple. You can sit on your arse in a car pinging drivers travelling at 101km/h all day using an automated thingie to say “yes/no” on lawbreaking and have a high output. Community crime requires actual investigation (which most NZ cops are bad at) and the higher-ups rate staff on the amount of crimes prosecuted, not the quality of their work (actual crime prevention, etc doesn’t count)

          Corruption amongst NZ police is quite high. You won’t see them openly demanding bribes on the street like you might in other countries but it’s not far off this stage.

      • This is really interesting. Cannot wait!

        “Having worked in the Police for 8 years I can personally attest to the lazy and unproffessional attitude of many of the boys in blue. My next chapter on E2NZ will highlight in detail some of these attitudes experienced whilst working in the NZ Police.”

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